


Now Online

by TheVerbalTypo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Chubby Eren, Depression, M/M, Online Relationship, Self Harm, Self Image, Smut, Tattooed and pierced Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:06:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4508919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVerbalTypo/pseuds/TheVerbalTypo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He could imagine Levi in his kitchen, sitting on the counter while Eren made breakfast, talking about whatever came to mind this morning. He could imagine Levi pulling him closer for kisses before their days began properly, while they left the house, sloppy kisses that said “I love you, be careful, have a good day, I’ll see you soon”. In all of these daydreams, Eren was not quite himself. He was thinner, more muscular, more attractive."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I finally started writing again! I'm going to try not to stress myself about this one and just take it easy. Gonna keep this one light and cheery. As always, feedback is appreciated :) If you guys wanna follow my Tumblr, it's theverbaltypo.tumblr.com.

Eren’s room was bright, the curtains open and the window wide to get every bit of the Summer breeze. Keepsakes and memories fluttered on the wall, and the neatly made bed smelled fresh and inviting, even from the other side of the room.  
Every moment Eren stared in the mirror, his grey t-shirt seemed tighter. Even with a shirt over it, he realized it didn’t exactly hide what he wanted. He merely sighed, hands idly tracing over his love handles. He shook his head; after a long day in college, this was the last thing he needed to think about. His flat mates wouldn’t be back for a while and a few hours alone online were certainly going to help. Within a few moments of logging on, right as he clicked his e-mail bookmark, a little notification popped up in the bottom corner of his screen.

_“Hey, loser.”_

Eren smiled. It was just like every day.

“Hey Levi :)”

Over the past four months, Eren had been messaging someone every evening. A guy, to be more specific. He knew nothing to do with his appearance except a short explanation of black hair, tattoos and piercings. They weren’t quite in a relationship, but flirting was almost constant between them. They had sent some rather naughty messages at times, but it was never uncomfortable. Well, his companion wasn’t. Eren was. His confidence was low, the idea of exchanging any kind of pictures with him was nightmarish but Levi would never force him into anything he didn’t want. Even when they were in the middle of a sexy conversation, a simple message would stop the flow of things exactly as Eren needed.

_“Finally on break?”_

“Yup! Everything was submitted today, a week of freedooooooooooooooooom!”

  
Levi smiled at his phone. He knew he looked like a mad man, walking down the street smiling at the small black phone, but Eren’s announcement of freedom was certainly a sign that he could finally ask him to meet in person. They knew they lived in the same city, but nothing more. Today and many other times, he found himself wanting to snap a quick selfie and send it with the hope that Eren was nearby and would appear from behind the closest building.  
At first, Levi thought he’d just want a quick few pictures to sate his lonely appetite, but somewhere through their first meeting and their first (of many) all night conversation, Levi realized he wanted to keep Eren around. Since they’d met, he’d stopped seeking guys for pictures, deleted his Grindr account and stopped his one night stands. He knew very well that he was truly smitten. He knew Eren’s schedule by now, so he wouldn’t message him during the day, even on his own lunch break at the bookstore, but the second Eren logged on, he messaged him. Occasionally, he called him, it was rare but it happened. Last time had been on a day that had left Eren in stressed and tired tears. He didn’t even think that he could get to a point of wanting to chat with someone outside of his friend circle that often, but he did. Constantly. But before Levi could make the suggestion, a new message from Eren lit up his screen.

_“Literally going to sleep for the next two days. People have me pretty much booked up next week, ugh. *slams head on table* save me”_

Levi smiled but it wasn’t quite a complete one. That meant they couldn’t meet up.

“Oh really, any dates?”

He felt his stomach twist at the idea. He stared at the screen, narrowly avoiding one of the trees that outlined the footpath. The branches were long enough to skim his tattooed arm.

_“Lol right, as if you need to ask.”_

He liked that Eren was more or less his, but his confidence was something they didn’t really speak about. Levi had no clue what Eren looked like outside of vague description that merely detailed brown hair, green eyes, and a “pretty decent tan”, but he didn’t need more to be attracted to him. It was the way he typed, the way he expressed himself with words, his passions and his suffering. There was always more to learn and more to love.

“Gotta make sure you’re not cheating on me, babe”

  
Eren smiled at Levi’s possessiveness and leaned forward like a love-struck teen. Eren didn’t “date”, but seeing Levi worry about it was endearing.

“You know I wouldn’t, I’m all yours <3”

At this point, he couldn’t tell if they were joking.

_“Damn right you are. I’m not into sharing.”_

For the millionth time, the question bounced around in his mind – were they dating? Was he really Levi’s? He had wanted to ask, but he worried about pushing the boundary between them. If they were, Levi would be put off by his body when he saw it. If they weren’t, it would be the thing that would force Levi away.  
He forced down the idea and instead opted to play along with Levi.

“Don’t you worry, honey, you won’t have to”

Could he send Levi a picture of his face? He thought about it for few moments. It wasn’t exactly intimate but it would be something. Would Levi be interested in the idea? It hadn’t really come up before. He felt himself grimace at the thought of showing someone he liked so much what he was behind the screen.

_“So, why are people whisking my Eren off next week?”_

Later, he decided, later he would send a photo.

“Oh you know, wild drug parties with strippers.”

_“Are you trying to make me jealous?”_

Eren chuckled.

“Naaaah. Strippers are pretty rad though.”

_“I’ll be your own personal stripper. You don’t even have to pay me”_

The image that he had formed of Levi in his head took hold and the voice that had filled his ears when he most needed it muttered new words, ones it had never truly said. His temporary fantasy was ruined when he heard his front door bang and heard Mikasa shout his name.  
He pushed his computer chair back just as Mikasa opened his door.

“Hey, what do you want for dinner?”

“Hey, I’ono, what we got?”

Mikasa wandered away mumbling about a bad work day and something about pizza being perfect right now.  
He shrugged and followed her with images of Levi swirling in his mind.

  
After a few minutes without response, Levi thought he had over stepped. The bus stop was quiet when he stopped and he stared at his phone while he waited. He imagined Eren, a scrawny, tall, tanned boy, frowning at the message and deciding that Levi was just a sleaze. The worry clenched his stomach and forced him to tap nervously. He couldn’t mess this one up too. He had messed up before, so many times. Sometimes it worked out okay, he had stayed friends with some of the people he had hurt but some of them hated him. He understood, but he didn’t want Eren of all people to hate him.  
What he felt for Eren was different already. He didn’t find himself wanting anyone else, not even looking at them and admiring. People were just…people. Guys he once would have been eager to go home with had become just faces in the crowd. He hadn’t gone home with a guy since he’d met Eren. He thought back to the week after they had met, when he had gone out and kissed a tall, handsome man, but the moment he had gone to the bathroom, with promises on his lips, Levi checked his phone to see messages from Eren. There was nothing particularly important, wishing him a good night, telling him he was bored. The last message was a picture. A funny picture from some dumb site of a cat mid fall from a counter. The caption underneath just said “I can’t stop laughing oh my God” and Levi spluttered. He ignored the strange looks that people around him had cast in his direction, instead he was focused on the image of a cute tanned boy in his bedroom, giggling at a picture of a cat falling off of a counter, and it was when he realized he was smitten. He left then, ignoring the fact that a guy was on his way back to meet him and instead, he went home, laughing at pictures Eren was sending him. Once he settled into bed that night, he asked if he could call Eren. He was shy, but even in the silence, when all that passed between them was breath, Levi felt comfortable. When they said goodnight, Levi rolled over and realized it had felt like the most natural thing in the world.  
That had been the only time he had been truly comfortable with someone, comfortable enough to let them talk him to sleep. Now, four months on, it was normal for them to have late night chats, though phone conversations were still few and far between. The thought of not having another one with Eren was scary, it made his gut drop and his heart pick up.  As he stepped onto the bus, he realized Eren still hadn’t replied, it worried him. He took his seat and had just put his head back when a buzz from his pocket brought him back to reality.

“ _Sorry! Was talking about options with Mika. I’m sure you’re a great stripper~”_

He let out a tense breath. So he wasn’t upset.

“NGL, thought you hated me there.”

  
Eren had taken the time to follow Mikasa and talk about dinner options and get himself a drink. While he sipped from his favourite plastic glass, he thought back to Levi’s offer. He wanted to be enthusiastic about it. He hadn’t expected Levi to be so upset. He knew about Levi’s past. Relationships had not worked out very well for him and it was often his own fault. He knew Levi had cheated on people, had left for no reason. It terrified him to like someone who had such a poor record but he wanted to risk it. Every time he got a message from Levi, it made his heart swell and he wanted to know what it was like to love Levi and be loved by him. He didn’t know what he looked like really, he had an idea.  
It was enough of an idea that Eren could imagine waking up beside messy black hair and running his fingers over painted skin. He could imagine Levi in his kitchen, sitting on the counter while Eren made breakfast, talking about whatever came to mind this morning. He could imagine Levi pulling him closer for kisses before their days began properly, while they left the house, sloppy kisses that said “I love you, be careful, have a good day, I’ll see you soon”. In all of these daydreams, Eren was not quite himself. He was thinner, more muscular, more attractive.

“Nah, never gonna hate you.”

He knew Levi needed little reassurance. A few words were enough.

_“Good, can’t have my bae hating me before we’ve even met.”_

Eren smiled through the rush of nervousness he felt at the idea of meeting Levi.

“You say that so definitely, like we’re definitely gonna meet and I’m definitely your bae”

Eren knew he was blushing, but he ignored it, sipping his drink and watching little “typing…” bar with strange adoration.

_“Eren, you’re obviously my bae, let’s not fool ourselves. Tbh, I do like to think we’ll definitely meet sometime, when we’re ready. It’d be cool if you were still my bae after that too.”_

Eren almost choked on his drink, blush now heating his neck and making him squirm in his seat.

“I hope that you still think that when you see me.”

Eren’s finger hovered over “enter”. He didn’t entirely want to bring it up, but he didn’t really want Levi to know his self-esteem was as low as it was behind the screen. He debated. Could he really be this honest with Levi?

  
_“I hope you still think that when you see me embarrass myself.”_

Levi smiled. Mostly because he knew he would.

“Did you guys decide on some dinner btw?”

 

The night went on, messages bouncing until the sun had settled well below the horizon. Armin slamming the door had brought Eren out of his Levi haze and he could smell the pizza he had brought.

“BRB dinner”

He settled at the table, cheeks still freshly red from a message regarding Eren being cute.

“Why are you blushing?”

“Good evening to you too, Armin, yeah, my day was good, a wonderful question to ask at the first time you see someone.”

Armin rolled his eyes.

“It’s just so unusual to see you blush. You don’t. Like, ever.”

Eren shrugged, choosing to focus on food.

“You know, Armin’s right, you are blushing.”

Mikasa started putting glasses and cutlery at the table.

“I think we should change the subject.”

There was a brief moment of silence. The shifting of boxes and plates to divide food cluttered the air. Until Armin spoke again.

“Eren, have you met someone?”

Eren felt his blush spread and heat up.

“What, no!”

“Eren, you’re blushing again.”

“Be quiet, Mikasa!”

Eren hid his face and groaned.

“Okay, look, fine, I met this guy online a while back and he’s just…really…” Eren paused. His fingers ran through his hair automatically while he looked for the right word.

“Nice, he’s really nice.”

“Why haven’t we met him yet?”

Mikasa’s voice was steady. She wasn’t jealous, not when she had her own relationship business, but she was wary. Especially when it came to people online.

“Because _I_ haven’t met him yet. I’m just…nervous? I don’t know, like, he seems so cool, and nice, and hot and I’m just…” he swept a hand over himself “…this, I’m just this and it’s not that good really, and I don’t want him to see me yet because I think he’ll hate my body.”

Armin stared sadly and Mikasa’s hand grabbed Eren’s.

“Eren…”

“No, it’s fine, look, I know it’s not that big a deal, I know. I just worry that it’ll be the reason he doesn’t like me, you know? At the same time, I am like ‘Screw that, I’m awesome the way I am!’, but I don’t always feel like that.”

Mikasa nodded. She always understood when Eren didn’t want to continue talking about something. She also understood Eren’s insecurities. No one was rude to him, but no one had ever told him how cute he was, or how attractive they found him. It was tough, she knew that, but she also knew she couldn’t change it. So instead, she moved on.

“Did you guys hear what Connie did at Jean’s party?”

 

“I’m home!”

A red head bobbing down the hall was the first sign of life within his apartment.

“Levi, hey!”

“You on the way to work?”

Isabel nodded.

“Farlan will be back in a sec! He went to get some basics then he’s taking me to work.”

Levi nodded in response as the door opened behind him.

“Isabel! Ready to go?”

“Yup!”

There was a quick hug and a nod to Farlan, and suddenly Levi was alone again.

He pulled out his phone. Even though Eren was in the middle of dinner, Levi sent a quick message. It wasn’t unusual for them.

“Starting to regret giving Isabel a spare key.”

Living alone was only good when people weren’t bothersome. He loved this apartment, it was clean, spacious, and so many surfaces. Levi had developed a love of plants while living here and within weeks, he found himself running out of space for them.  
He kept his laptop in the kitchen, open but locked. With music playing, he started unpacking some groceries from his backpack. When his phone pinged, he opened immediately expecting a text. Instead he opened a half face picture with the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the nice messages and kuros so far! I really appreciate all of it, it's so encouraging. Again, if you want to follow my Tumblr, it's theverbaltypo.tumblr.com. Comments are appreciated, enjoy!

 

Eren had held his breath when he sent that picture. It was scary, he had been hiding for four months now, but when he pressed that tiny arrow, he felt his stomach unclench and everything inside him changed. He was trying to get over the fact that he finally shown Levi some part of his face, and waiting for his response was daunting. He had thought for a long while about what would be the best picture to send. He wanted to hide his shape but show something good, he wanted Levi to like what he saw.  After a long while of thinking and a few quick questions for Mikasa and Eren, he decided his eyes were his strong point. Armin had reminded him that they were his most noticeable feature.  But even now, waiting was killing him.

 

Levi had stopped his unpacking, he was surprised he hadn’t stopped breathing. He couldn’t take his eyes off of these…well, eyes. He leaned on the counter with edges digging indents into his elbows but he didn’t care. Eren had finally shown some part of himself. Levi wanted to send a picture back, any kind of picture Eren could want, anything to make those green eyes light up. But what could he say?

He tapped the phone against his chin a few times before it clicked. He needed something good, cheesy but something that would show Eren he loved his eyes without saying it right out. Levi nodded to himself and smiled as he tapped it out.

 

Eren had gotten to the point of pacing his room, staring at his phone, wondering if there was a way he could pull the picture back to the safety of his phone and delete it so no one could ever see his tired eyes in such high definition.

“Armin!” He wanted to know if it was possible to delete it, and if not, the safest way to burn his phone.

“What?”

Before he could ask, his phone buzzed.

He jumped across the room, phone slipping in his hands until he caught hold and his thumb slid across the screen.

_“Do you have a map?”_

Eren tilted his head and Armin walked in.

“What do you want, I’m getting ready to leave.”

“Well, I wanted something else, but I think Levi’s gone mad.”

Eren handed over his phone and Armin raised an eyebrow. But the phone buzzed again and Armin snorted.

“Oh boy, he’s hit his head.”

Armin handed his phone back and left, giggling. Eren frowned, not from anger, his confusion had taken over, but when he glanced down at his phone, red replaced his regular tan.

_“Because I’m lost in your eyes.”_

Before he could type back, his phone buzzed again.

_“Wait, I think you have something in your eye. Oh, it’s just a sparkle.”_

Eren snorted but he expected a bit more. And he was not disappointed.

_“Is your father a thief? Because someone stole all the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes.”_

_“Most guys need 3 meals a day to keep going... I just need eye contact from you.”_

_“I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world”_

Eren giggled along with them, cheeks flushed and a grin that seemed like it would never leave. Levi was surely searching for these.

_“I don’t know if you’re beautiful, I haven’t gotten past your eyes yet.”_

Eren stopped. That one felt…weird. It felt like a dig, a little stab to say Levi was upset that Eren had only showed a little. He swallowed the lump in his throat as his phone buzzed again.

_“Okay, I’m done, but seriously, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. I mean, green eyes are good but yours are just…out of this world.”_

Eren’s stomach flipped, this felt different. It was a compliment. An actual compliment. Not a throw away “you’ve a good personality”, or a “you’re cute” with a cheek squish. It was a direct compliment.

“I have no idea what to say, thank you.”

Eren flopped onto his bed and hid his face. He couldn’t deal with this. His stomach was whirling around, and he felt giddy. It was like someone had set his insides to vibrate. It was so new. He rolled to the side as his phone buzzed again. He expected some mocking, but instead he got a matching picture of silvery eyes and thin eyebrows.

_“Keeping it fair.”_

Eren gasped a little. Before he thought of anything, he was typing.

“Wow”

Eren stared, this was all he had seen of Levi and it seemed so fitting. The eyes suited the image Eren had formed, they almost completed it. Only almost.

_“What kinda wow is that?”_

“The good kind. You have lovely eyes, they really suit you.”

Eren felt like he was being a walking cliché.

_“I’d hope so at this stage.”_

Eren smiled. It was so…Levi.

_“Listen, I don’t wanna pressure you, but I hope one day you’re comfortable enough to show me the rest of your beautiful face.”_

Eren pulled his t-shirt up to hide the bottom of his face. The breeze in the window was comforting on his hot cheeks and it occurred to him that Levi just might like him, no matter what he thought of himself.

 

Levi didn’t feel the pressure to send a picture. Sure, he could have sent a full face shot or even a full body one. He would show anything Eren wanted. But he didn’t want to pressure Eren into the same thing. So he followed suit. He decided to play it as Eren got comfortable, and only show what Eren showed or asked for. What he wasn’t expecting was Eren calling his eyes beautiful. It brought back strange memories. He had been called beautiful many times.

When he was a child, he was lithe and danced with other small boys and girls and his mother called him beautiful. When he was a teenager, a girl kissed him at her front door and told him he was beautiful. Later, her boyfriend did the same thing. When he was an adult, he saved Farlan’s life, and Isabel called him beautiful.

Somehow, the word here, even written on the screen in front of him, was so different. It transformed, the word “beautiful” was now curling and burning, and from its ashes arose the way it looked when Eren wrote it.

Even with just eyes to go on, Levi knew Eren would be perfect. He was almost certain that Eren would be taller, but he wondered about his build, but decided it didn’t matter. Why should it? For the first time in his life, Levi was beyond worrying about the little details, he knew already that he liked Eren. The thumping of his heart at a picture of his eyes was enough to tell him that. And he knew Eren liked him back. Even knowing his past, Eren liked him. That was a lot, it was even more than he ever expected. And now, he wanted to meet Eren. The words were on his fingertips, but he knew Eren wasn’t ready. Soon, he promised himself.

 

Soon wasn’t as soon as Levi wanted.

The following morning, Levi realized he wanted soon to be now but soon was still so far away.

In fact, every morning for a week, Levi realized that soon was too far. In the shade of the bus stop with headphones to block out the world, Levi started planning. How could he ask Eren to meet with him? Would he ask him on a date, or would be just idly throw out that he wanted to meet him? Where would Eren want to go on a date? Would he prefer something small, or a fancy dinner? He leaned back and the clear glass chilled his shoulders.  


Eren hated the bus but loved how close the bus stop was. The sun was glaring at him, tormenting him with heat, but he had arrangements with Marco and they couldn’t be ignored. His messenger bag was heavy with materials; sketch pads, pencils, erasers, and headphones to block out Jean when he inevitably showed up. He took his stand beside a short man. He glanced down and let his gaze rest on the intricate patterns and pictures on his arm. The buzz of his phone drew his attention away from the stranger.

_“Hey, loser”_

Eren grinned and started his reply.

 

Levi looked up from his phone and side glanced the man beside him. For a guy his height, he wasn’t skinny, but he carried it well. He was cute, Levi thought. When his phone beeped, he looked away, but something caught his attention. The guy looked up, and green eyes lit up in the sunshine. Levi’s stomach jumped. Was it him? Levi knew his face was paling and it was a miracle no one was turning in the direction of the sound of his pounding heart. The bus pulled to the curb and pulled his attention away from Eren. Or what he believed to be Eren.

He stepped forward and checked his phone before paying his fare.

_“Hey, baby ;D”_

Levi’s throat felt tight, could it be him, had Eren stood right next to him? By the time he had paid, he was speechless. If it wasn’t Eren, it would be awkward. If it was…

_“It is so hot, it needs to stop, I cannot deal with this.”_

Another text distracted him from his thoughts of the man he had seen.

“Nothing wrong with a little sun, Eren.”

 

The bus smelled musty and old and the seat beside Eren had a strange stain. He twirled his phone, Levi seemed off.   
“Are you okay?”

Eren looked around the bus, seeking out the tattoos he had seen earlier. He pulled out his sketch pad and a pencil, and started scribbling lightly. He spotted the tattooed man, and stopped scribbling. Instead, he decided to sketch him. He started in the middle, but a new message distracted him.

_“Yeah, sorry, just thought a saw someone I knew, it was a bit weird. I had no idea how to react.”_

“Well, you could just say “hi”? Can’t hurt :D”

Eren got back to his sketch, the page now had a loose body shape. Sketching strangers brought Eren strange comfort, it made him feel cosy and like he was capturing a special moment. He focused on the man again, filling in harder lines with his features. The sharp nose felt familiar, like he had seen it before and stared at it a million times. He moved up, defining strands of hair.

 

Levi held his breath. Eren made it seem so simple. He hadn’t even figured out if it had been Eren he had seen. He looked around the bus as discreetly as possible, and his eyes fell on a mop of brown hair. The bag was that of the man he had watched. He was sketching, and that fit Levi’s idea of Eren. He looked away as the artist looked up. He took a moment to reply.

_“I don’t know if it’s that easy. I don’t think he knows me”_

 

Levi’s message threw Eren off. Was it an ex? It made him uncomfortable to think of Levi with anyone else. Even with no real clear image to go on, there was a scene in his head and watching it play out turned his stomach.

“Still, it might not be that bad J”

Eren went back to recreating the tattooed stranger’s loveliness. He had finally reached the eyes, and even in profile, he knew those eyes could slay anyone with a glance. His own eyes darted up and down, but on the next snap of eyes, the stranger was looking back, and those thin arches and silver eyes sent a shock to his stomach. He had never seen eyes like them. Not in reality. And the expression that filled them, one of utter perplexity, it matched his own. Had the person Levi had seen been him?

 

The look in those green eyes countered his own, and Levi knew then it was Eren. It wasn’t some stranger with the same eyes, it was Eren, _his_ Eren. He finally had a face to put to the name that he had held in his heart, the rest of a face to the eyes that had captivated him for the past week. The ones he had stared at for minutes on end, fantastized about, dreamed of. They were now right here, staring into his own, and Levi couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t dare to change the perfection they had built up. With a few words, he could ruin everything. With the same words, he could make their lives join perfectly. But he believed the former. That he would ruin their bubble, their budding relationship would be ripped from the stem and collapse before him. For the first time in years, Levi was scared.  


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay, I was so busy with college and work and life that I had no time to do anything at all.   
> I wanna dedicate this chapter to Nina who has left so many comments and encouragements and refreshed this a whole bunch waiting for something new and I left her waiting for literally almost 6 months.   
> Thank you to everyone for sticking with me, I hope you guys like this chapter, and I hope you enjoy the upcoming chapters just as much :)

 

The buzz of his phone called Eren back to place, back to the sweat stiffened bus. He looked—Armin.

He swiped and let his eyes roam away from the silver eyed beauty.

 

“Hey, Armin, what's up?” 

 

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know I'll be out again tonight, in case you're waiting on me for dinner. Work is crazy, so I said I'd let you know now.”

 

“Out again? Where are you even going? Do you have a night job now?” He feigned a gasp. “Are you Batman?”

 

The bus jerked to a stop.

 

“No, I've been...well, I've been seeing this guy.”

 

“What, really?”

 

“Yeah, and I really like him, and that's...well that's where I've been. He's a bit older than me, but he's nice.”

 

“Do you have anything else to tell me aside from that?” Eren smirked.

 

“I'll tell you in person, I don't have the time to tell you everything I do like.”

 

He could almost hear Armin's blush through the phone.

 

“All right, go, we can talk about him tomorrow, have a good night, be safe!”

 

When he hung up, he looked up, searching once more for the glistening silver eyes, but when his own carribean gaze fell to the seat, it was empty. His phone buzzed again, a message this time.

  
_“It's nothing, what are you doing today, any dates stealing you from me?”_

 

Levi couldn't face it, couldn't face Eren, couldn't face ruining their relationship before it even began.

The moment Eren answered the phone, he stood and got off the bus at the next stop. He had a bit to go before he got to where he wanted to be, but he couldn't stay on that bus with Eren. His heart throbbed against his ribs, the bones were echoing a drum beat of disgust and anxiety.

He pulled out his phone. He flipped it over in his hands. His business hardly seemed important now, and his stomach was begging him to go back, go find Eren and surprise him. His phone almost fell out of his hands when it buzzed again.

 

“ _No one ever could, babe.”_

 

Eren's stomach was a whirlpool of nerves. Had that been Levi? Or had he stared at a stranger like a freak?

He shook the feeling off, instead, he tried to sketch from memory. But despite the attention he had paid, he couldn't quite capture the quiet elegance he—Levi or otherwise—had exuded. A new message buzzed.

 

“ _Eren, can I call you?”_

 

Levi had noted the lack of emoticons, the lack of joke at all in Eren's last message. It felt like a simple reassurance from a boyfriend. He realized how much he wanted to see that kind of nonjoke every day. Eren's response was a swift “yes” and he knew before he even clicked the call button what he wanted.

That did not stop the nerves worming up through him as the rings vibrated through his ear.

 

“ _Hey.”_

 

Eren's voice was nervous.

 

“Hey, how are you?”

There was a tiny jump in his heart at the domesticity of their greetings.

 

“ _Yeah, fine, I'm on the bus.”_

 

“Oh, where are you going?”

 

“ _Marco's. We're hanging out in his place tonight, I need it to be honest.”_

 

“Oh, is he my competition?”

 

Levi smirked.

 

“ _You know you have no competition.”_

 

His smirk melted off his face. He felt a blush rise instead.

 

“I'm glad to hear it.”

 

There was a seconds silence.

 

“ _What are you doing today?”_

 

How could he answer that without letting Eren know he had fobbed him off, again, provided it was him?

 

“Just...wandering. I have a few errands to run and I was wondering uh...”

 

Levi took a deep breath.

 

“I was wondering if you wanted to meet up.”

 

“ _I, uhm, I”_

 

“If you don't want to, that's fine, don't worry, it's not a big deal.”

 

“ _No! No, I do, I want to...I want to meet you, finally. I'm just...nervous.”_

 

Levi smiled into the phone.

 

“I'm nervous too, but you know, it was bound to happen, and I dunno, I'm inspired today.”

 

“ _I get that.”_

 

“Do you want to meet today, perhaps after your _date_ with Marco?”

 

“ _Pssh, it's not a date. You're so jealous.”_

 

Levi smiled but his heart skipped at the amity in his voice.

 

“I have to be, have to keep what's mine as mine.”

 

Eren spluttered.

“ _You can't just say things like that, it's not fair!”_

 

Levi spotted a nearby bench and sat.

 

“Awh, are you blushing, **sweetie**?”

 

He heard Eren's palm slap into his face.

 

“ _Stop...”_

 

Levi chuckled quietly.

 

“So, do **we** have a date?”

 

“ _Sure, how about 2pm at the coffee shop next to the statue on Pearse street?”_

 

“Sounds great, see you then.”

 

“ _See you later, Levi”_

 

As he clicked the hang up button, he smiled and tapped his phone to his chin.

 

See you later.

 

They were words he was never sure he'd hear from Eren.

 

He stood and walked back in the direction of his apartment.

 

 

Eren rushed into Marco's building and pounded on the door. Marco had spent the last few weeks as Eren's advisor. He didn't want to tell those he lived with, he couldn't face spending every day with them knowing everything about him. It was something he noticed not long after they moved in together. Marco, however, was the best person to confide in. He was private, quiet, and offered the most optimistic advice Eren had ever gotten.

The taller boy answered, and Eren rushed past him.

 

“Marco, I'm meeting him!”

 

“What?!”  
  


Marco's arms immediately outstretched and pulled Eren in.

 

“When?!”

 

“Today!”

 

“When did this happen?!”

 

“Like five minutes ago, I need your help, I need to look okay!”

 

“You look fine!”

 

“Can I use your shower? Please?”

 

“Of course! Do you need to eat before you meet him? Do you need any particular shower gel?”

 

“No, no, I think just showering will be enough...I hope. I'm sorry I'm letting you down so suddenly”

 

“No, Eren, this is great for you! You need this! You've wanted to meet him for so long, you are going to have the best time!”

 

Eren ran to Marco's shower and washed faster than he ever had.

 

 

Levi washed slowly, careful to get every speck off of himself. He was red and raw after it, worried about looking his very best for Eren. While he scrubbed, he planned his outfit and his first words and his pick up lines. All of it seemed so remarkably important at that moment.

 

Eren pulled at his sleeves and asked Marco for the third time if he looked okay. Marco reassured him and hugged him again before he turned to the door. He opened the door and found himself face to face with Jean.

 

“Hey, Eren, did I, uh, interrupt?”

 

“Hey, no, I'm just heading off. See you later!”

 

He pushed past, mind still focused on Levi.

 

“Uh, Eren?”

 

He turned in surprise.

 

“You look good, like, happy, healthy, the whole job, well done.”

 

Eren blushed and nodded.

  
“Uh, thanks”

 

He put his head down and rushed off.

 

He checked his phone quickly, no text.

 

Their date—could he call it a date?—was in just a little while and was taking place close by. He could feel the nerves taking over, he felt sick and warm. In a short while, he would be meeting the only person who made him feel worth anything. He ordered a coffee and took a seat by the window. The tingles spread from his stomach to his chest, and he realized his laboured breathing was exciting and not dread.

 

Levi stared at the café door for a full minute before he tried to go in. His feet were cinderblocks of doubt but the more he stared, the more he realized how much he wanted this. He stepped through the door. He joined the queue and looked around. Next to the window, he spotted a mess of brown hair with hands wrapped around a coffee cup. Levi ordered a tea, and turned. His steps boomed in his ears, and even though it seemed to take forever, he was near the table in a second. He held the cup with near white knuckles, and finally opened his mouth.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry as always for the delay, placement, work, and life have been so busy, but I'm so excited every time I get to write this story. I hope you guys love it, let me know!

“Hi.”

  
“Hi.”

  
Levi sat, and the seat across from Eren felt too close but so far away.  
Their quiet greetings died in the din of the coffee shop, and while they both had so much to say, neither could utter a word. It was Eren who broke the silence.

“So, um.”

“Yeah.”

  
“You look different.”

  
Levi raised an eyebrow at him.

  
“Not bad! I mean, just, different, like, I never knew what to expect.”

  
Levi chuckled and Eren blushed and it was like this wasn't their first time.

  
“I hope you're happy with what you got.”

  
Eren's blush deepened.

  
“Uh, yeah.”

Dread swirled like a cement mixer in Eren's stomach, he couldn't possibly ask the same question. His eyes glanced over Levi every chance he got, and he still couldn't take in how beautiful he was. His hair was glossy and sharply cut, like it was maintained every day rather than every other week. His skin looked cushiony but with firm lines of strong bones. When Eren's gaze wandered to his arms, he saw swirling patterns and cut out stars and flowers he never knew the name of and dots and hard lines mingling and in the middle of it all, a single simple cats face.  
Eren thougt back, realizing that inky signature was not new.

  
“You were on the bus!”

  
“Excuse me?”

  
“I saw you on the bus today, you were across from me! You looked at me too!”

  
Levi didn't know how to respond. It's not like Eren was wrong.

  
“Well, you didn't talk to me either. Maybe I have a twin.”

  
“No, I remember those flowers! I drew them!”

  
Levi's expression changed to a confused one, and Eren realized he sounded like a creep.

  
“No no, not in a weird creepy stalker way, just...I told you I like to draw, right?”

  
Levi nodded.

  
“Well, I was doodling on the bus and I started...drawing you...”

  
Eren covered his face, embarrassed by his confession.

  
“Can I see it?”

  
“What?”

  
“Can I see your drawing?”

  
“I...uh...it's not...I didn't...it's not finished.”

  
Levi nodded.

  
“You don't have to show me, but your work was lovely in pictures. If you finish it, I'd like to see.”

  
“Thank you.”

  
Eren smiled at Levi and something swelled in Levi's stomach in response. It was like seeing a kitten fall over its own paws.

  
“I can show you my other stuff though! I have some of it here, if you want to see, that is.”

  
Levi nodded and pulled his chair in.  
He realized as Eren pulled out his sketchbook that the angle was awkward.

  
Should I move closer?

  
Levi's heart pounded at the thought, but he was already moving, pulling his chair adjacent to Eren's.  
Eren looked at him with still rosy cheeks, but he opened his sketch book, eager to take the focus off of him. He realized that deep down, he wanted Levi to be proud.  
He turned the pages for Levi, and the sight of Levi with his hands firmly on his lap let Eren know that he had seen someone's sketchbook before, and knew the unwritten rules. He walked Levi through his works. He took care to tell Levi special details.

  
“This was while I was on holiday, that bird sat outside for the entire morning, so I took a photo and drew him."  
“This is my friend, Armin. He's adorable, but he's honestly so scary when he's mad.”  
“I drew this in the bath. No, I'm serious, it's the best place to draw until the steam starts to ruin the page.”

  
Some of the works were for friends, others for himself. Some had been sketched in coffee shops, others in the quiet of his room, but Eren noticed Levi seemed to favour the scribbled doodles. He said that doodles showed character. Eren felt his smile broaden at that, but it faded when he realized the next picture was one that was extra special. It was of his mother for her birthday. It was a sketch of a picture he had found of her, only pencil line greys and the white of the page. He still had a month to finish it, and he thought it lacked something, but he didn't know what. He thought of it as his best work, but it still did not seem perfect for her. The moment Levi laid eyes on it, his mouth opened.

  
“Is that your mom?”

  
“How did you know?”

  
“She's looks exactly like you. May I?”

He held out his hands and Eren placed the book into them.

  
“Holy shit, Eren. All your stuff is amazing, but this is my favourite. It's flawless.”

  
Levi studied the picture intensely, and Eren couldn't stop himself talking.

  
“I don't know if it's finished.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“I mean...something is missing. I don't know what but something is and I don't know what. I've been working on it for weeks, and I still have a month before her birthday, but I don't know if I'll figure out what's wrong. It just seems like it needs just one more thing, but I don't know what.”

  
The photograph was still taped in the corner of the page, and Levi tapped it.

  
“Why not add just a tiny bit of colour? She has gorgeous eyes, you could put the colour in them and no other part?”

  
Levi looked up and saw the same lines in Eren's face. But Eren was far more beautiful to him. He felt his stomach twist as the urge to lean closer, to feel Eren's plump lips against his own, took over.  
Instead, he handed the sketchbook back, and smiled.

  
“She's beautiful.”

  
Eren smiled back at him. Levi stood.

  
“I'm going to grab another tea, do you want anything?”

  
“Hot chocolate, please.”

  
Eren reached for his wallet.

  
“No, don't worry about it.”

  
Another smile, and Levi was gone.  
Eren smiled after him, but Levi's words sat in his mind.

  
“She looks exactly like you.”  
“She's beautiful.”

Eren wanted to think that Levi thought he was beautiful too.  
He looked up, and watched the way Levi moved. He silently prayed that he could finish that drawing sometime.  
Levi was now second in line, but someone stood close behind him. The man was tall and thin, with the frame of a dancer compared to Levi's muscular build. Eren watched as the man let his gaze fall over Levi, up and down, but never leaving him. The man leaned forward to speak into Levi's ear, and Levi replied but didn't even look at him. Was that for Eren's own sake? For appearances so Eren wouldn't know that this thin man was more appealing than his pudding like body? Eren opened his sketchbook to the picture of Levi and added small details to it—the curve at the small of his back, the way his shirt hung from him, the base of the back of his neck and how delicate it looked compared to the rest of him.  
Levi was walking back, and Eren closed his sketchbook, hoping Levi wouldn't ask about the drawing, but also knowing he wouldn't. Instead of the glass cups, Levi had cardboard ones, but Eren didn't question it. Maybe Levi wanted to leave.

  
“That asshole in the queue thought he could flirt with me.”

  
“What?”

  
“Yeah, he got really close to my ear and whispered some cheesy shitty pick up line.”

He tutted at the end, as if he was embarrassed.

  
“I thought you might be interested in knowing him.”

  
“Why would I be when you're here?”

  
Levi froze as the words left his mouth, and Eren felt like he was going to vomit with excitement. Levi looked away, hiding his cheeks and drinking his tea. He glanced outside.

  
“I was thinking it might be fun to go for a walk. It's a nice day, the fresh air might do us some good.”

  
Eren nodded and packed his bag. The stuffiness was making him more nervous, and being outside meant less awkward silence.  
He hoped.  
As they left, Eren saw the man from the queue out of the corner of his eye. He smirked at Eren and glanced at Levi.  
Eren felt the bubbles of insecurity rise again, even when the air hit him, he didn't find it soothing. He found himself a step or two behind Levi, and mentally cursing that he couldn't hide himself.

  
“Eren?”

Levi had stopped and was looking at him with a puzzled expression.

  
“Sorry.”

He stepped up beside Levi and walked beside him in silence. Levi seemed comfortable but Eren's mind was swirling with questions and doubts and worries.  
His mind was pulled back to the present as his hand brushed Levi's. It seemed to be repeating that, and Eren didn't know why. His worries were screaming again, reminding him that Levi could never want to hold hands with someone who looked like he did.  
The thoughts got worse.  
They walked beside the river in a park and he felt his heart race with fear and self hatred.  
Their hands were still brushing and Eren was blushing but his heart wouldn't stop.  
Until Levi grabbed his hand.  
Then his heart skipped.  
Their fingers laced together like they had held hands a hundred times and Levi sipped his tea as if it was nothing new.  
New thoughts battled with the negative ones in Eren's mind.

  
“Is this okay?”

  
Levi's voice surprised him.

  
“I know it's a bit sudden but I thought maybe...”

  
Levi trailed off.

  
“No, I like it, it's nice.”

  
Eren smiled and Levi nodded and pulled him towards a bench.

  
“I thought we left the café so we could be active.”

Eren smirked.

  
“No, we left the café so I could focus on just you.”

  
Eren's smirk fell away and he covered his face with his arm.

  
“Stoooop!”

“Nah, it's cute when you blush.”

  
Levi smirked at him and he couldn't retort. Eren felt captivated when Levi smiled at him, even if it was teasing.

  
“It's nice here though. I wanted to bring you. I come here a lot.”

  
Levi looked at the river.

  
“I wouldn't have spotted the bench, to be honest.” 

  
“That's why I like it. It's open but not too secluded. When it's dark and the lamps come on, it has a really nice feel to it, it's kind of cosy.”

  
“It's beautiful here.”

  
The words “like you” played on Eren's tongue.  
Levi's thumb traced delicate patterns on Eren's hand, small swirls like the ones on his arms. It felt so comfortable that Eren's fears were forgotten, and his focus remained on the tingle in his chest.  
They talked about so much, family, friends, music, tv, films, art, animals, and dreams. They changed positions a few times, but rested facing each other, knees almost touching and hands still joined.  
Eren had just finished telling the story of a particularly strange dream involving a sloth in a party hat in a lecture theatre when the lamps flickered to life.  
They watched them but only for a moment, their eyes had barely strayed from one another during their time in the park. And now their eyes had met fully, with no conversation to buffer the feelings that came with it.  
Eren's heart raced and he wanted nothing more than to lean forward and kiss Levi.  
He couldn't find it in himself. He thought Levi wouldn't reject him, but a voice from the darkest corner of his mind reminded him that he might.  
Levi watched Eren's lips, and the way his tongue swiped lightly over them made Levi want to taste them.  
But he knew Eren.  
He knew that he was nervous and worried and that he should take his time. Instead, he raised his free hand to touch Eren's cheek with his knuckles. Eren leaned into the touch and his heart fluttered.

  
“I don’t want to, but I think I need to walk you to the bus.”

  
Eren nodded.  
Levi stood and pulled Eren up with him. They dumped their cups and walked in silence along the river once more. Instead of the worries that had plagued him, Eren was happy. Levi hadn't been disgusted by him, he seemed to like him.  
It was something Eren hadn't prepared for.  
The bus stop came into view too quickly, and Eren felt a new panic rise. He didn't want to leave, but also didn't know how to leave. They were the only ones in the plastic shelter and Levi seemed as lost as Eren was on what to do. They stood facing the road. Eren side stepped a little closer.

  
“I had a nice time.”

  
Levi surprised him, but he smiled.

  
“So did I.”

  
He thought for a moment.

  
“We should do this again.”

  
Levi nodded.

  
“Definitely.”

  
Eren put an arm around Levi's waist. He wasn't sure about how to continue, so he didn't.  
But Levi did.  
He turned and stood on his toes, his arms wrapped tightly around Eren's neck and his face rested in the crook of it.  
The heat between them lingered, and Eren wrapped his free arm around Levi.  
The bus approached.  
Eren hugged tighter and Levi did too.  
It was closer now.

  
“Levi, the bus is coming.”

  
Levi nodded, and loosened a little, enough to pull back to look into Eren's eyes.  
Levi licked his lips lightly, with the barest tip of his tongue.  
Eren stomach clenched and his heart thumped.  
The bus slowed.  
Levi let go, and Eren did too.  
But before Eren could say his goodbyes, Levi was on his toes again, and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. He lingered.

  
“See you later, Eren.”

Their cheeks brushed as he returned to his normal height, smiling at Eren.

“Yeah, see you. Levi.”

He boarded the bus, but not without turning back and smiling at the man who had stolen his heart.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is still following this <3 I'm a busy mess, but I hope you guys love this, because I love writing it!   
> Let me know your thoughts.

 

The raspberry and lilac swirls of sunset looked over Levi as he walked home. His heart pounded. Thoughts ran around his head, like wild butterflies in a small jar. They bumped and danced around, in awe but drowning in the beauty of the flower that was Eren.   
When he reached his apartment, they settled. The familiar book musk and cosy white walls brought him comfort. He sat, looked around, and felt the smile take over his face.

He had met his Eren, and his Eren was even more lovely than he could have imagined.

His heart thumped as the memories played back—His hand clasped with Eren's, his eyes locked with Eren's – God, those seafoam eyes had sparkled like the ocean itself - , the almost kiss. But the kiss could wait. He wanted it to be perfect. It was a chance at a first kiss, and he knew he wanted to make it perfect for Eren.

 

Eren's bus ride passed him by without interrupting the repeating events in his mind. Their hands, their eyes, and Levi's kiss. And Levi liked him. Eren thought something he hadn't thought all day. He hadn't worried about Levi not liking him. He hadn't worried about showing his art. He hadn't worried about his weight.  
Since the moment Levi's hand blanketed his own, Eren had merely basked in the adoration that he knew Levi showed and he was excited to go back to that light. The blush that stained his cheeks seemed unending, but he couldn't care less.   
All he cared about was his light.

 

Levi's mind never strayed from Eren's face. He paced as he made dinner, checking his phone obsessively to see if Eren made it safe. His mind was tired. He spent so much time worrying that Eren didn't like him. He worried Eren had been underwhelmed. But by the time they parted ways, he was sure. His phone buzzed.

  
_“Thank you for today :)_ ”

  
Eren had arrived home and immediately met Mikasa in the living room.

“Eren, good timing, Armin will be home soon, do you want dinner?”

Her expression changed to an inquisitive one.

“Are you blushing?”

Before Eren could answer, the door opened and Armin joined them.

“Hey! You were really in your own world there, Eren, I was waving at you on the way in. “

Armin frowned.

“Oh my God, are you blushing?!”

“Can we talk about this while dinner is cooking? I'm starving!”  
  


~

  
Once dinner was on, the three sat together at the table.

Eren had been working on the best way to tell them about his day, and realized that blurting it would might be best.

  
“So, I met Levi.”

Armin 's phone and jaw dropped, and Mikasa stopped mid water sip.

He continued.

  
“It was amazing”

He saw them exchange a smile, and Armin nodded for him to continue.

“We went for coffee then sat in the park and talked . We actually uh...we held hands and he kissed my cheek.”

Eren could feel the heat in his cheeks again.

“And why didn't you tell us you were meeting him?”

Armin's voice was high with excitement.

“Well I didn't know until about ten minutes after you called me, so I went to Marco's and showered and I was so flustreed that I forgot to tell you.”  
  
Armind nodded, and Mikasa smiled.

“And are you going to see him again?”

Mikasa sounded unsure, worried even.

Eren's blush rejuvenated.

“There are no plans to yet, but I'd really like to see him again.”

He glanced at his phone. One new message.

 

_“Are you home safe?”_

 

Levi had pondered for a while before sending anything. He wanted to meet as soon as possible but he didn't want to seem pushy. Though he felt like Eren would be happy to meet again. At least, he hoped so.

Buzz.

 

_“Yeah, just making dinner :)”_

  
Eren had barely laid his phone down when it buzzed again.

 

_“Maybe you could make me dinner sometime.”_   
  


After dinner, Eren returned to his room. His mind was still replaying the day. There was a knock.

“Hey Eren, I just wanted to say I'm really happy you met him.” 

Armin's face screamed his happiness.

“Thanks, wait, weren't you supposed to see your guy tonight?"

It was Armin's turn to blush.

“Yeah, instead we're spending tomorrow together. And Mikasa is working tomorrow and has plans with Reiner and Bertl in the evening, though that might be a guise for a date.”

Eren smiled at the thought.

“What's the new guy like?”

Armin spluttered and laughed.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you”

 

They said their "goodnight" and Eren changed into his pyjamas. But Armin's words played in his mind. Everyone would be out tomorrow. Maybe...He replied to Levi before slipping into his bed.

More thoughts sat on the edge. Thoughts that usually frequented the forefront of his mind. He realized that for most of their date he hadn't thought about his weight.

Levi had been worrying about the dinner text. Had he seemed too eager? He picked up his phone to send an apology, but it buzzed at that moment.

 

_“Maybe tomorrow?”_

 

For a moment, he thought it was too soon, they had only just met, could they be moving too quickly? But that thought left as soon as it had arrived, and he typed back with a loud heart. Their almost kiss never left his mind. Could it happen tomorrow?   
Every previous lover came to mind, every kiss, every touch, every alley fondle and bathroom fuck. All of that seemed far away now, it only felt real when he imagined it with Eren.

 

Eren was planning.

Every step of tomorrow until Levi arrived. It never for a moment occurred to him that Levi might say “no”. When his phone buzzed, he smiled, and he smiled more when their date became a sure thing. He drifted off to sleep with thoughts of Levi's lips on his.

 

But when he woke, webs of fear and anticipation had spun in his stomach. Armin was calling his “goodbye” from the door and Mikasa was knocking.

“Mornin'”

She poked her head in.

“I'm probably going to be late, I'm heading out with the guys.”

Eren nodded.

“Uhm...” He paused. “I'm having Levi over for dinner.”

Mikasa stared for a moment, before a smile spread across her face.

“Eren, that's great! I'm really glad for you.”

Her expression changed.

“But put me on speed dial, and I want updates."

Eren opened his mouth to speak, but her hand was already raising to stop him.

“I know, you like him, you know him, but for my peace of mind.”

“Eren nodded.

“Okay, I'll text every few hours.”

“Good” she smiled.

“Have fun!” she said as she closed the door.

“And use protection!

Eren sputtered and blushed in response.

He knew she couldn't see him, but he hid his face in his blanket.

He would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about that. They had talked about it a little, role-playing like teenagers, but lately, Eren had wanted more. He wondered what it would be like to have Levi's tongue lick swirls down his back, nip at his skin, leave marks to make sure he would spend the week reminiscing.

Eren dragged himself out of bed, and grabbed a towel. While he checked the shower, and stepped into the spray, he wondered if he could be the one to lead Levi.

He felt the blush rise to his ears.

He imagined Levi in the shower with him, pressed against the wall, his legs wrapped around Eren's waist. He would press kisses to Levi's neck, while Levi raked his nails down Eren's back. He imagined them moaning together as he entered Levi, and moaning again when they finished together. He didn't know how likely it was, but he wanted it,

He washed quickly, mind on the apartment he needed to clean.

 

Levi woke with fear and excitement rippling through him. He wanted-needed-today to go well. He had text Farlan and asked what he should wear, he wondered if it would be a good idea to bring a condom, some lube, just in case. He wondered if it would make him seem like a sleaze, or if Eren wanted that too. It was so new for Levi to feel nervous, he was normally so confident, but when it came to Eren...  
Levi thought back for the millionth time to their meeting the day before. Eren had been different in person, taller, and more beautiful than he could have imagined. He thought about how Eren had looked at him, how shy he had been, how jealous he had seemed in the café, how it felt like they'd shared space a million times.

The familiarity was so new, so unexpected, but Levi could feel it flowing through his veins. He was feeling new feelings and never wanted them to stop. With every beat he felt the excitement and adoration blossom like flowers that breathed with his fluttering heart.

He showered in the clean white bathroom, his thoughts raised with his pulse. He ignored messages from Isabel. She was supportive, but she was worrying him more. Her enthusiasm extended to the bedroom, but for the first time ever, Levi wanted to take things slow. Eren was too precious to scare away.

 

The apartment was cleaner than Eren had seen it since they moved in, but his nerves were too wrecked for him to notice. Levi hadn't text him yet today, he didn't know when he would want to come over. He glanced at the clock and his phone buzzed.

_“Good afternoon, bright eyes. What time do you want me over?”_

Levi was too excited to even think of the time. He hoped Eren would want him there as soon as possible. The anticipation was killing hi. He tidied the already pristine living room. He wiped invisible specks from the windows. He never did regret going for all white look.

His phone beeped and he picked it up so quickly that it almost flew from his hands.

  
_“Good afternoon! Any time at all is fine, whenever you feel like it x”_

 

Eren felt brave when he sent that “x”, but he decided that he wanted to be very clear with Levi. Maybe it was the chemicals from cleaning, but he wanted Levi to be very sure about his feelings.

The eagerness in him encouraged him to clean his room, and be sure he was prepared. Just in case.   
He was making the bed when Levi replied.

  
_“Send me your address, I'll leave straight away.”_

 

Eren's heart dropped when he read the text. No “x”.. He hesitated, but another buzz. Levi again.

  
“ _x_ ”   
  
Levi hadn't meant to forget the “x”, but he was shocked and unused to it.

He knew Eren had been scared sending it, he knew his Eren well by now. But he couldn't keep away the thought of knowing him better, in a more intimate way. His phone beeped.   
  
_“Great, can't wait! X”_   
  
Below it was Eren's address.

 

Eren didn't know how long it would take for Levi to arrive so he ran, literally, to the pharmacy. His mind rattled with excitement-having Levi in his home, and being alone, all other people fell away from his mind. He felt no shame when he placed the lube on the counted. However, the shame arrived.

“Eren?”

He looked up from his wallet, and was met with the eyes of Connie. His words were lost for a few seconds.

“H-hi, Conniie!”

Connie raised an eyebrow and grinned wide.

“So, who's the lucky guy?”  
  
Eren's stomach dropped, and the sweat pooled at his temples.

  
“I'm kidding! You know you don't have to tell me, bro!”  
  
Eren smiled, but he found himself wanting to share.

  
“Nah, I know, but it's like, this new thing and it's not even a thing, but I like him, and I think he likes me, and he's coming over to hang out and have food and stuff and I just wanted to be safe, you know."

  
He knew he was blushing but he knew Connie well enough to know he would be kind.   
And this was confirmed when Connie smiled.

“Eren Jeager, I didn't think you were such a slut!”

Eren laughed.

“Well, I don't kiss and tell.”

“Best you don't, and best you use protection, Mikasa would kill you if you got pregnant.”

The two laughed and Eren paid. He rushed home, but it wasn't until he got to the door that he checked his phone.   
Message received 10 minutes ago.

  
_“See you in 20 x”_

Levi was walking, but his mind was running. He was going to be alone with his Eren and it terrified him. He had done his best to dress well, in his nicest grey jeans and black tank top. He felt good, he felt he looked good. When he pulled on his hoodie, however, he changed his mind, and he wanted to run back. Adrenaline kept him going. He had packed condoms and lube in his messenger bag, and didn't want Eren to see them.   
  
He checked his phone map, Eren's house was closing in,

His chest felt like it was home to a Jack hammer.

He trotted up the steps. His stomach felt like the butterflies had returned to caterpillars, he felt giddy, sick, scared, nervous, and those feelings only grew when he raised his hand and knocked on Eren's door.

 


	6. Chapter 6

A red cheeked Eren opened the door. 

“I’m sorry I look so red, I just ran to the store, I had forgotten things.”

Levi raised an eyebrow and smiled. Eren bit his lip, a gesture Levi’s eyes couldn’t tear from, and he corrected himself.

“I mean. Hi. Hello. Welcome to...my house!” 

Eren stood back and gestured Levi in. 

“Thank you, hi back.” he looked around. The apartment was neat, blanket draped over the back of the couch, pictures and sticky notes on the fridge, and a fruit bowl filled with only oranges.

“I like your apartment.”

Eren smiled at the comment. 

“I’m glad, I tried to make sure it was tidy.”

Levi raised his eyebrow again.

“All of it?”

Eren blushed and Levi realised how it had sounded. Instead of making it more awkward, Levi walked to the couch, and he dropped his hoodie down to his elbows. 

Eren watched the muscles in Levi’s back rotate while his hoodie slid down over them. His mouth went dry, he could feel himself committing every curve to memory. He shook it off, remembering his manners. 

 

“Um, can I get you anything, a drink?” 

“Water is fine, thank you. Unfortunately, my diet is still restrictive on sugar intake.” 

“You’re on a diet?”

He filled a glass of water from the icy jug in the fridge while thinking that Levi was the last person who needed a diet.

“I use that rather loosely, I’m just...particular. I have cheat days and stuff, but most of the time, I’m mindful because of my work outs.”

Levi was still standing, looking at photos, books, everything in the room, soaking in every small detail. Eren’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“So I was thinking we could watch a movie?” 

Levi nodded and smiled before he turned. Those eyes were still so overwhelming, it was tough to look into them without falling even further. He took a place next to Eren on the couch, not too close, while Eren navigated to Netflix. Out of the corner of his eye, Levi took in every curve and point of Eren’s face, watched every small gesture, and had to hold himself back from pushing Eren’s hair out of his face. He watched Eren’s lips move, and how the pink tip of his tongue flicked over his lips. Then Levi realised Eren had said something that he hadn’t heard.

“Excuse me?”

Eren blushed and turned to face him.

“I asked what movie you’d like to watch?”

“Oh, I don’t mind.” 

“I’m going to be too focused on you to watch it anyway…”   
The words played on his lips, but he thought it might be a step too far. But it was true, and he knew it was.   
Eren picked a random movie, Levi didn’t even see what it was, he was staring at Eren. He wondered if Eren could lift him. He had strong shoulders, he pictured them in a tank top while he drew, he pictured them completely bare, lying beside him in bed, then he pictured himself, with his arms wrapped around Eren’s shoulders while he was above him. 

Levi felt guilty for always going there in his mind, but no matter how cute he thought Eren was, he wanted him. He just had to push that back for a while. 

Eren sat back, he could feel Levi’s eyes on him. His mind was having a screaming argument about the reason. He was sneaking his own looks at Levi, watching the way he sat almost folded. His eyes traced the tattoos he loved so much. He wondered about the stories behind each one; he wanted to know Levi’s favourite ones and which he got first and which meant the most and which meant the least. He began cataloguing for his drawings; some were cute - a cat silhouette, a little chubby ghost that Eren favoured, some were strong - a tribal band on one upper arm, vampire teeth, a tiger weaving its way down Levi’s shoulder, some were delicate and Eren loved them the most - a teacup, soft stars on the inside of his upper arm, and roses blossoming from his wrists. They were Eren’s favourite. Underneath them, faintly, Eren saw the shimmering scars. Without meaning to, he reached across and traced over the roses. The scars had their own beauty, timestamps from when his Levi was not his, nor was he even Levi’s, when he had been thrust through darkness and fear, but he had survived. Now he was strong, and he turned those memories into something more beautiful. His thumb traced over the roses, wishing they would grow from Levi’s skin and connect them with a stem that would only extend and grow stronger with every passing day. Their affection would nourish it, and when the stem became battered, stems of love would grow and connect them, until the two were inseparable, even when they were apart.   
He looked up from Levi’s arm and found their breath mingling. Levi’s eyes were locked on him, assessing almost, waiting for some kind of reaction. 

“Beautiful.”

Levi didn’t know if he meant the tattoos or him, but he smiled anyway. From Eren, it was more than enough to hear it.   
Their noses touched, and a wild fluttering took over Eren’s stomach. He felt the warmth of Levi’s hand on his knee and smelled the Autumn spice of Levi’s scent and heard the beat of his own heart pound in his ears. His gaze settled on the silver of Levi’s eyes shimmering with some unknown feeling. He craved the taste of Levi’s lips.  
With trepidation, he licked his lips lightly, and the hand that wrapped around the roses intertwined fingers with Levi’s.  
Levi’s own hand moved, it traced over Eren’s waist, delaying for a second to feel the heat of Eren’s skin underneath his shirt. Eren’s eyes had him in a trance from which he couldn’t look away. His fingers traced along Eren’s collar, touched his pulse gently, and pushed Eren’s hair back. His free hand found Eren’s waist at the other side and held it, Eren was soft, Levi wanted to hold all of him, to feel every piece that Eren had wanted to hide and let him know how much he adored every inch of him. Eren’s arm wrapped around his waist, and pulled him closer more gently than Levi thought he could be. Levi tilted his head, his hand held Eren’s cheek, and he pressed his lips against Eren’s. He felt Eren gasp softly against his lips, and he smiled. The hand on Eren’s cheek went around the back of his neck and he felt himself being pulled closer to Levi. All of Eren’s worries melted away, he kissed Levi over and over, softly and sweetly, and each one sent jolts through him. The kisses lasted a little longer with every join of their lips. Months of feelings poured into each one. Levi pulled him closer and closer, until the two fell back on the couch together. They laughed, still touching and still wrapped around one another. Eren’s fingers tangled into Levi’s hair and he leaned in to kiss him again. The loud buzz of his phone against the table drew their attention, but as his hand reached to answer, Levi’s hand wrapped around it, and his other hand wrapped around Eren’s shoulders to pull him in for more kisses. Eren pulled himself up, and Levi worried he had gone too far. But he merely moved Levi’s leg to make them more comfortable. He put his hands at either side of Levi’s head and let one pillow it. To see Levi look up at him with wet lips, with eyes full of want, brought new confidence to him, and when Levi’s hands ran up his chest and tugged his collar, he didn’t hesitate, and brought their lips together again.   
Levi kissed him with more fervour, his back arched and his chest pressed up against Eren’s, he licked Eren’s lower lip and felt Eren shiver at the offer. He was shy in it, but he pushed his tongue against Levi’s, and a whole new feeling rippled through them. For Levi, it felt new. It was like he had never before had a kiss like that, and the sensation took him completely by surprise. He felt the blush hot on his cheeks, the trickle of saliva dripping from the corner of his mouth, and the weight of Eren holding him in place, as if he was his and his alone.   
He was also very suddenly aware of how much his trousers had tightened and how he was pressed against Eren. Somewhere he wanted to stop, to separate so that Eren wouldn’t think he was some kind of rude horndog. But their kiss slowed and Levi stopped caring, Eren’s arms wrapped more tightly around him, and he felt safe. They finally parted, both panting hard and both blushing. 

Eren sat back and pulled Levi with him, he pushed his hair and avoided Levi’s gaze.  
Knots whirled through Levi’s stomach, had he gone too far?  
He placed a hand on Eren’s shoulder and kissed his cheek gently.  
Eren whispered in response.

“Am I...was that okay?” 

Levi laughed without meaning to, amd regretted it the moment he saw Eren’s face drop. 

“Eren, look at me, I’m sorry I laughed, it was just...that was the best make out session I’ve had, I think, ever.”

Eren’s eyebrows raised. 

“Really?”

Levi nodded his response, and Eren smiled. 

“I thought maybe you had laughed because I was bad.” 

“Not at all” 

Levi leaned forward and pressed another kiss to Eren’s lips.

Levi smiled.

“You know, I do believe you promised me dinner too.”

Eren laughed.

“I did, didn’t I?”

“After the movie will be fine” 

Levi settled back against the couch and Eren put a hopeful arm around the back of it. Levi leaned in, and the rest of the movie was peppered with kisses and shy hands entwined. 

The movie was almost over by the time they started paying attention. Eren hadn’t really payed any attention, he had been focused on planning dinner. He had originally chosen a small meal, though now he didn’t want to do anything that didn’t include Levi’s lips. Part of him wanted to order in, but he also wanted to be mindful of what he ate, with Levi around at least. He figured he could disguise it.

“So what would you like for dinner?”

Levi looked at him.

“I’m fine with anything, really.”

“What about your diet?”

Levi shrugged.

“It can be my cheat day.” 

Eren’s mind raced, what could he offer? Was this Levi’s way of saying he expected Eren to order something unhealthy? If he suggested ordering in, would Levi be disgusted with him?   
Before Eren’s mind could spiral further, Levi nudged him.

“What were you planning?” 

Eren shrugged.

“I was thinking of maybe some carbonara?” 

“Yum, I haven’t had carbonara in forever” 

“Coming right up” 

He smiled and tried to stand, but Levi clung to his arm. 

“It’s hard to want carbonara if it means you leaving.” 

Eren put his hands on the back of the couch and leaned down to peck Levi on his lips gently. 

“Would you rather go hungry?” Eren smiled against Levi’s lips.

“Hmmmm we could just order in and watch something lame.”  
Eren dropped onto the couch beside Levi.

“A man after my own heart.” 

Eren pulled out his phone and Levi leaned close. He pressed a kiss to Eren’s shoulder. Eren turned to him. He kissed Levi’s nose and laughed.   
Levi snorted.

“I think this is what cats feel like” 

Eren laughed. 

“Do you kiss cat noses often?”

“As often as is healthy. Order food!” 

Levi nudged him and Eren laughed again.  
At that moment, his phone buzzed, and he opened a text from Mikasa.

“Annie is sick so Bertl is helping her out and Reiner and I aren’t the best of buddies so I’m on the way home. Sorry. I hate interrupting your night in.” 

Levi glanced up. Would this be the end of their date?

“Is she trying to send me home?” 

Levi joked to hide the disappointment. 

“Well, if you’d like to stay longer, we could...um...we-could-go-to-another-room?”

Eren tried desperately to hide his blush when the words tumbled out, but before he could regret it, Levi nodded, almost vigorously. 

“That’s fine, if you’d like, we can eat with Mikasa then maybe separate from her? If I understand what you’ve told me about her, she’d quite like to know what you’re getting into.”

Eren nodded, then smiled at the innuendo

For a moment, Levi wondered why, and when the realization hit him, his face fell to his hands. 

Eren fell back against the couch and laughter erupted from him. Levi smacked his arm, and when it didn’t work, Levi formed a plan. He swung his leg over Eren’s and let his hands glide up and over Eren’s chest. The laughter stopped, and Eren was now a blushing mess beneath him. His hands cupped Eren’s cheeks, and delicately, he took Eren’s lower lip between his teeth and traced his tongue across it. For a moment, he swore Eren had stopped breathing. 

Levi’s words came out barely as a whisper, and they tickled Eren’s lip.

“Are you going to stop laughing at me?” 

Eren nodded, trying to keep himself in check, but every part of him wanted to grasp Levi and ignore any possibility of getting caught. But Mikasa was on her way home.   
Later, he thought.

Levi sat back, he smiled at Eren. 

“So, what are we going to eat?”

~

Twenty minutes, and a dozen sneaky kisses later, Mikasa and the pizza arrived together. 

“Hey, Eren, sorry again, hi, you must be Levi.” 

Mikasa shook Levi’s hand, and immediately sized him up with dark eyes.

“Nice to meet you.” Levi smiled back as politely as he could, though he could tell she was defensive.

“Mikasa, we were thinking you could eat with us if you want?”

“Sure, that pizza smells amazing.”

The table was set and Mikasa and Eren took their usual seats. Levi looked between the chairs, then at Eren, but it was Mikasa that spoke. 

“You can sit anywhere.” 

Levi thanked her and sat. He watched the way Eren and Mikasa interacted, the way their movements mirrored one another, phrases and words that were influenced by the other flew between them, and in that moment, Levi could see their friendship, as if it were a physical being that sat between them and held their hands to keep them connected. He found himself reminded of the story of the Red String of Fate.   
Their conversation died down a little, and Levi took the opportunity.

“So, how long have you two known each other?”

Eren answered just as Mikasa opened her mouth.

“16 years! We basically grew up together!” 

 

“Woah.”

“I know, how have I put up with him for this long?” 

Mikasa smiled at her own joke, but Levi became defensive. That is, until he saw Eren smile and nudge her.

“If you didn’t have me, you’d still have that creep Marlowe around!”

She nodded, Levi looked at Eren, silently asking him to continue.

“When we first moved in here, this guy Marlowe was super obsessed with Mika, he would like wait for her every morning and walk her to the door, and wait for her every night to walk her back here, and on her days off, he would come looking for her, it was super weird.”

Mikasa took over.

“You wouldn’t think it, but Eren can be pretty damn scary when he’s pissed off. One day, I left work early, to avoid Marlowe, and I got in the door just before Eren. He, Marlowe, hadn’t seen me leave so he thought I was home. Eren had just got in after the worst work shift and the worst college day ever, and when Marlowe came knocking, Eren walked over, shoulders back, chest out, and with the most furious expression and screamed that if Marlowe ever came near me again, he’d rip his spine out through his mouth. And now, no Marlowe.”

Levi hadn’t noticed his jaw drop. 

“I honestly can’t even imagine that.”

Mikasa smiled.

“I know, but I’ve only seen Eren angry like, twice. It’s a surprise.”

Eren munched along next to her, happy to hear good stories. Her phone buzzed and she left the table to answer it.

“So, big scary Eren, hmm?” 

Levi smirked. 

“That’s something I’d love to see.”

“Nah, I just cry after it.” Eren laughed. 

Mikasa returned. 

“So, Sasha is coming over, so we can get out of your way.”

Eren shook his head. 

“No worries, we’re gonna watch stuff in my room.”

Mikasa raised a brow, and again, Levi felt like he could see their silent words floating between them and bouncing.

“Cool, cool, I can clean up, thanks for dinner.”

Mikasa planted a quick kiss on Eren’s head and took the now empty pizza box. She pottered around, and Eren stood and gestured for Levi to follow him.  
He obeyed, and in a moment, he was looking around Eren’s room.  
Eren watched him.   
Levi wandered, looking at posters and pictures.   
Eren still watched.

“I like how tidy your room is.”

Eren let out a breath, and smiled.

“I’m glad, I wanted it to be tidy.” 

Eren mentally thanked himself for putting away the condoms and lube he had bought.

He also mentally berated himself for wanting them to be put to use so soon. 

Instead, he turned on his computer and navigated once again to Netflix. It was a large screen for his art projects, and it faced his bed for comfortable viewing.   
Without really thinking, Eren picked “Friends” and just let it continue from where he had been. He took off his shoes and sat back against the wall beside his bed. He had so often pictured Levi in his room, now that it was happening, he was ecstatic. He watched Levi’s seemingly infinite curiosity scour every corner, and eventually, he too took off his shoes and sat against the wall.

“I really like your room.”

“Good” Eren smiled at him. 

“I think I’ve picked my very favourite thing about it.”

“Oh?” Eren glanced over, and Levi poked his nose.

“You.” 

Before Eren could whinge his embarrassed protests, Levi kissed him, somehow more gently but more passionately than before. His tongue tickled against Eren’s, his hands tangled in Eren’s hair, and his hips ground into Eren’s. Eren responded a moment slower, his hands gripped Levi’s waist and pulled him closer. Levi pushed him, and though their lips parted for only a second, Levi’s crashed back into Eren’s as if it had been centuries. Their hands explored frantically over innocent skin, they tried to touch as much of the other as they could. Every parting for breath lasted a second, and that was a second too long. Eren found his hands in Levi’s hair,he pulled it to bring him closer, his t-shirt rose up and showed off his belly but he didn’t care, he just wanted Levi, and he knew Levi wanted him. Eren tugged Levi’s hair to pull him higher, his knees hit Eren’s inner thighs and the bulge in his jeans grazed against Eren’s. They gasped in unison, and Levi’s hips moved again, desperate for friction. Levi’s fingers tugged at Eren’s shirt, it came off quickly, and Eren’s inexperienced hands fumbled trying to push Levi’s shirt the same way. Levi leaned back and stripped it off for him, and straight away he thought it was worth it for the arousal in Eren’s gaze. Even though Levi wanted nothing more than to see more of Eren’s skin, he saw Eren squirm, he tried to hide himself, to hide his stomach, but Levi’s hands interrupted him. They grasped at Eren’s hands, and Levi lowered his ear to Eren’s chest. He stayed there and listened to the heart inside. Eren got nervous.

“Levi…”

Levi raised a finger to Eren’s lips, then brought it back. He tapped Eren’s chest.

“This. This is what I like about you, Eren. Your heart. Your heart is kind, and loving, and it accepted the worst of me. You’re beautiful, inside and out, every part of you. You don’t need to change for me, or for anyone. You’ll never be less beautiful, because hearts don’t dull their shine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed, and please leave a review :)   
> If you would be interested in following my Tumblr, it is theverbaltypo.tumblr.com, I can't wait to bring you guys the next chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, this is the most frequent update since the beginning of this fic. So, I got a little extra inspiration and we get some backstory for our Levi and a little look at Eren and how he thinks. Please leave a comment, and if you want to follow my tumblr: theverbaltypo.tumblr.com. Let's go~

At some hour of the night, Eren woke up. He wrestled his jeans and t-shirt off and threw them into the darkness. He settled his head against the pillow and was back to sleep in seconds. His stirring woke Levi.

Levi didn’t mean to fall asleep there, and Eren hadn’t meant to either, but when Eren fell asleep with his head on Levi’s shoulder, Levi didn’t have the heart to wake him. He watched Eren strip and get back into bed, and he admired every inch of skin showing. He wanted to show Eren how much he adored him, and make him feel good. His slim fingers danced over the skin of Eren’s waist, and Eren let out a sweet sigh.

He felt the cogs falling and twirling into place, and he knew he wanted to keep Eren.

He winced as he thought of the word “keep”. It reminded him of a darker time, long before Eren, but not that long. Levi still cringed at his memories with James. Some part of him may have missed him. He rolled towards the wall and the memories of their months together flew back.

Levi was young, brash, and unafraid, but young nonetheless. The bar was the first steady job that he enjoyed but James was definitely part of the reason. James was much older than Levi, his face told his face told a thousand stories and none of them had a happy ending. His eyes were dark and intimidating, and Levi was certain he had never been cleanly shaven. But that, mixed with muscled shoulders that liked to box Levi in, made James irresistible. Levi tried to stay away; James being his boss and being almost twice his age, Levi knew it would only lead to trouble. Levi resisted, but he could only resist so long. James had a raw sexuality about him that Levi wanted more than he cared to admit. Eventually, he gave in.

After a long shift, while cleaning the bar, James slid his hand over the small of Levi’s back. The sound that sighed over his lips was enough to encourage James. Strong hands grasped Levi’s hips and pushed his chest against the hard wood. The empty bar was suddenly more quiet than he remembered. The only sound that filled it was that of James’s sloppy kisses against Levi’s neck and the unzipping of Levi’s trousers. That night facing the dingy, dust, room with his hands gripping the bar as James fucked him was the first of many. It was hard to regret it when he had enjoyed it so much.  
  
The first few times were in James’s bar, short and irresistibly sweet, Levi gave himself to James in store rooms and private booths. The car became a place of choice shortly after. It only arose when James saw a customer flirt with Levi. Immediately after Levi’s shift ended, James offered him a ride home and took him in the back seat of his car. He   
had growled that Levi was his , and after that, Levi became familiar with being face down on James’s mattress.  
  
It was a messy nine months. There was alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and sex. A lot of sex. Levi felt himself ready all the time.  
But James was not good for Levi.  
Bad habits aside, James was possessive. When customers flirted, James got angry,. When Levi smiled back, he got worse. Their romance, if it could be called that, ended where it began. A night of horny customers and Levi’s charms ended in a screaming match and a slap from James. No matter what Levi thought of himself, he wouldn’t let another person think that. Levi left James, but weeks later returned. Not for love, only for the job at which he was so good. James agreed, and Levi stayed. He couldn’t deny he had wanted James for a long time after. But one night stands, and now Eren, occupied him. He glanced over his shoulder at Eren’s messy brown mop and felt things he hadn’t felt since James, and he smiled because it felt good to be free of that web.

 

Eren turned over and flopped his arm over the duvet. The sunlight burned his eyes, and he nuzzled deeper in the blankets. However, the blankets hugged back. All at once, last night came back to him, and he leapt away. He saw the messy black hair rise and he desperately tried to cover himself. The blanketed arm approached again and wrapped around him. It pulled him close and Levi’s head was on top of his. He tried to wriggle into the blankets but a groan stopped him.

“Eren, I am crazy about you, but if you keep wriggling, I will kick you out of this bed so hard, you’ll never be able to use a bed again”

Eren broke into a fit of giggles, and he saw Levi’s smile under the sheet’s darkness.

“Shame on you.” Levi’s voice was husky and Eren loved it.

“But I didn’t wriggle!"  
  
“Giggling counts as wriggling” Levi swung his leg over, straddled Eren and began to tickle him mercilessly. Their laughter bounced off of the walls until Levi flopped forward and their foreheads came together. Eren wrapped his arms around Levi without thinking. He found himself lost in Levi’s eyes and kissed him gently. Levi held his shoulders, and accepted every kiss Eren placed on him. When he stopped, Levi laid his head on Eren’s bare chest. He traced shapes with his fingertips and breathed in time with Eren.

“So, are you busy today?” Levi glanced up as he asked.

“Um, not particularly, are you?”

Levi shrugged in response.

“Work at 3, but I can make you breakfast before I go, as a thank you for having me over”

He felt Eren nod.

“How do eggs and bacon sound?”

“They sound amazing, but I don’t know if we have any.”

“I can go get some if you want to shower or something?”

Eren winced. Levi didn’t notice. Eren cleared his throat before speaking.

“Um, yeah, sounds good”

Levi stood and stretched.

“Do you want me to get anything else?” Levi glanced back over his shoulder.

“No, thanks.”

When he heard the door shut after Levi, Eren rolled over and ran to the bathroom. He showered in water that was slightly too hot, and while he scrubbed, he counted the white tiles to stop himself from crying.

_If you want to shower or something_

He sniffled and scrubbed harder, until his skin was red and raw and burned.

_I smelled bad while Levi was there and it's because I'm fat and Levi noticed and thinks I smell bad, oh God..._

He dried and went back to his room. He sniffed the air. This probably smelled of his sweat too. He opened the windows and changed the bedsheets and tidied everything that could hold his scent away. He managed to get new clothes on before a knock on the door broke the silence. He walked briskly instead of running, and opened the door to Levi with full hands.

“Hey, you feeling better?”

Levi walked in and started putting things on the table.

“Yeah, the shower really helped.”

Levi smiled at him.

“I’m glad. So, I got eggs, bacon, bread, orange juice, and some black tea. Do you drink tea?” 

Eren shook his head.

“I’ll only make one cup then.”

Levi stood on his toes and kissed Eren’s cheek.

“You smell nice, Eren.”

Levi smiled again and went to work on breakfast, and Eren could only watch him in silence.

Levi wouldn’t let Eren help on breakfast, and instead he made him choose music. They laughed at one another’s favourite cheesy songs and guilty pleasures, but Eren kept his distance from Levi. He worried that he may have sweated with the heat of the kitchen. Though Levi hadn’t yet noticed.  
When breakfast was ready and Levi brought full plates to the table, Eren hesitated in sitting down. Would Levi want him to shower again?

He took a seat anyway, constantly sniffing.

“Are you getting a cold?” Levi asked.

“Um, no, sorry, just smelling breakfast, thank you” Eren smiled at him and they ate in silence.

With every bite, Eren's stomach dropped further.

Levi didn't seem to notice. when they finished, Levi commented on his own work schedule, on the weather, on some lady he had met in the store. Eren found it hard to listen.

“Eren?”

“Hmm?” Eren glanced at Levi. 

“Are you okay?”

Eren licked his lips nervously. 

“Yeah, sorry, just away in my own world, thank you for breakfast.”

Eren forced a smile, but Levi didn't look convinced. 

“You know you can tell me if I have upset you?” 

Eren only forced another smile.

“Yeah”

They idled for a while. They watched some show Eren took no notice of, and Levi sat statue like beside him. The awkward silence became too much, and Levi announced his leave. 

“It's a pretty long journey to work, I better get going. I'll text you later”

“Yeah, um thanks again for breakfast.” Levi pecked his lips but Eren was stiff. 

“See you later, and, um, thanks for last night.” Levi sounded awkward as he waved from the door, and he left thinking he had lost Eren.

 

As soon as the door clicked shut, Eren felt the tears start in his eyes. 

What had been one of the best nights of his life had led to one of the worst mornings. Why did he have to be so sensitive? His embarrassment took over for whatever sadness he levels, he realised that Levi had only been kind, but he over thought every word, his head fell into his hands and he groaned. 

 

Levi felt like his stomach was trying to fold in on itself, he replayed every word from the moment he arrived at Eren's, but he couldn't seem to find where he went wrong. Instead, he took out his phone to text Eren. He paused; maybe that would make things worse. He ran a hand through his hair and groaned. 

 

Eren paced. His fear was stronger than his finger muscles, and he couldn't figure out how to apologise. Mikasa scared him as she walked up behind him. 

  
“What's wrong? Did Levi do something?”

“No, I was dumb and over sensitive and now I think he's upset and I don't know how to fix it.”

She shrugged.

“Say sorry and move on. It's the only way to live really.”

She walked to the kitchen, and Eren nodded. She was right. He typed out an apology and sent it before he could reconsider. 

 

_“I'm sorry for being weird this morning, it was a confidence thing, but I shouldn't have taken it out in you, I'm sorry, thanks for a lovely time xxx”_

Levi smiled at his phone as he pushed open the door to the bar. He tapped a quick message with a cute emoji.

“Haven't seen you smile like that in about a year, did you get your dick wet last night?”

A gruff voice broke his attention.

“No.”

Levi didn't want to deal with James, but he knew he couldn't ruin his mood. 

James snorted a sort of laugh and swigged the last of his glass of whiskey. 

“Don't worry, I don't get jealous.” 

“Anymore.” Levi retorted, and he saw James's knuckles grip the glass harder.

“Fair enough. Well, whoever they are, thank them for getting you here on time.” 

Levi smirked as James walked to the back of the bar. It was a good day.


	8. Chapter 8

With his apology accepted, Eren wanted to find another way to apologise. He wanted to treat Levi properly, wanted to give him a proper date. But he couldn’t decide how to do it. 

He didn’t know where Levi worked or lived. He cleaned his own apartment as he thought it through. He recalled the sight of Levi in his bed, wrapped in his blanket. He had looked so young and, dare he say it, cute. Eren wanted to recreate it on paper so he wouldn’t forget it. He returned to his room and rooted through his bag for his favourite sketchpad. When he threw it on the desk, he looked around. It was the only space that was always clean. It was a space that comforted him, when he sat down, it was like he forgot the world. His existence was only in the lines and pages and the erasers fallout. Some days, it was hard to want to sit at that desk, but when he did, he felt better. Here, he had worked on some of his finest works, and even though he would never admit it, it was where he had sketched what he believed Levi would be. And he knew now that his original sketch was so much less enchanting. The storybook of tattoos that read down his arms made Eren want to watch them move and hear about every little one. 

Eren’s eyes widened and lit with inspiration. He knew what to do with Levi.

_ “What time are you finished work? :)”  _

Levi saw the message light up on his screen and he glanced around. The bar was almost empty, the only patrons were down in booths. The bar was favoured for it’s privacy; the booth’s seated four, and the curtains that fringed them kept them quiet. Even after all of Levi’s cleaning attempts, the bar never looked clean. It could also have been the vibe. He picked up his phone to reply, but was immediately distracted by a shove to his shoulder.

“I pay you to work”

Levi rolled his eyes.

“I am working.”

“Is texting working now?”

“There’s no one waiting for a drink. When you spend the whole day with a bottle of whiskey, I reckon it’s alright for me to spend a fraction of mine on my phone.”

James snorted.

“You’re extra ballsy today. You sure you didn’t get fucked?”

“If I did, would I tell you?”

James shrugged. 

“I guess I’ll have to wait and see."

James left him by the bar and Levi tapped out a quick text.

_ “About twelve. Though it can’t come soon enough.” _ __   
  


Eren wondered why Levi was so eager. Maybe it was to see him?   
He typed into his search engine as quickly as he could before texting Levi back. 

_ “Where do you work?? I could drop in to say hi ;)” _

Levi smiled at his phone. He did love that idea. He turned his locations setting on, and replied. He could hear James exhale in annoyance, but his adoration outweighed his lack of patience for James. His eyes dropped over the back of James’s shirt before they went back to his phone and replied.

 

The hours passed slowly but also too quickly for Eren. He had just about managed to arrange his date and get to the bar by 11.45. He stood outside, coat wrapped tight around himself with a scarf to shield his throat. He fussed on his phone; he checked social media, tidied his screen, untidied it, and tidied it again. 

While he tapped at a game, someone stood by him. A man. He felt butterflies rumble in his stomach for a brief moment. He could  _ smell _ him, and he smelled...delicious. It was the scent of raw power, of dominance. Eren felt himself shy away, but not in the way he usually did. 

The man was closer. His shoulder brushed Eren’s, and Eren could feel his warmth through the layers, and that warmth seemed to spread up to his neck and cheeks. A gruff chuckle broke Eren's focus.

“You were doing so well” 

Eren looked at his companion, and he felt his lips part. The man was beautiful, but not in the way Levi was; he was strong, fierce, every breath seemed soaked in a quiet passion. 

“I...I, uh, got distracted”

He realized how flirty that sounded.

“By what?” 

This man somehow got closer, now almost nose to nose with Eren. 

“Um…”

“Eren.”

Levi’s voice flooded him with relief, but also a touch of regret.

“You’ve met my boss.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Um…”

“I was just about to introduce myself.” The stranger spoke. “James O’Reilly.”

Eren shook his hand. 

“Eren.” 

“Pretty.”  James flashed him a grin that made his stomach drop.

“I didn’t think you’d actually come.” 

Levi’s fingers laced with his own, and Eren looked at him. For the second time, his breath shook at the beauty before him.

“Well, yeah, I, ah, I kinda planned a cute date thing.”

Levi smiled and squeezed his hand. 

“Let’s go, then.”

Eren nodded, and turned to smile his goodbye at James.

“See you around.” The way James spoke haunted him, but the shivers didn’t run through him until he felt James’s fingers glide down the back of his neck as he walked away.

 

Eren and Levi’s hands remained tightly together as they walked. They exchanged stories from the day, Levi dominated the conversation with stories of patrons. 

“This is it.”

Eren spoke as they rounded a corner.

Levi looked up and a bright coffee shop stood in the middle of the block. It wasn’t one Levi had seen before.

“Why here?”

“You’ll see.”

They entered, and Eren led Levi, whose attention was entirely diverted. The walls were covered in art, but it was not traditional. They were tattoo designs, in every kind of style and every size and some were on body parts. Eren led him to a seat and they sat. Levi continued to stare. It took a few moments for Eren to speak.

“Do you like it?”

Levi nodded wordlessly.

“What would you like, tea?”

Levi nodded again. Eren giggled and rose to order. The notes from the stereo finally hit his ears and he heard a favourite tune.

Eren sat again, but before he could speak, Levi did.

“Do you know this is my favourite song?”

Eren tilted his head to listen.

“I don’t know it..”

“‘Friday, I’m in Love’”

Eren blushed and Levi snorted.

“And since you picked such an art focused setting, I have an excuse to show you this.”

He took off his jacket and pulled up his sleeve with his arm turning to show the inside of his bicep. Eren focused as Levi pointed to a heart shape with what seemed like a childishly drawn sun in the middle, but with a moon in the middle of that. It was faded and crooked, but that only made it more charming.

“This was my first tattoo.”

“I don’t mean to be dumb, but what is it?”

Levi feigned shock.

“The Cure, please tell me you’ve heard of them, or this is over.”

Levi laughed after, but Eren couldn’t help but hold onto what they had that could end.

“I have, but I don’t really know them. What is that song about?”

“Well…” Levi looked away and bit his lip “It’s about love. It’s about the motions, but in a good way. Like, yeah, your week with your lover could be bad, you could fight and argue and cry, but at the end of the day, you still love them. It’s about dedication and trust and love and it just reminds me that a relationship motions aren’t bad. When I heard it first, I hated the idea of love. It seemed like to be in love was to give yourself up. Songs always spoke about how love changed them or their heart was broken. It was unfair - why should I change if someone loves me, you know? Then I heard this. It was like he knew what I felt and he twisted the thoughts to show me that relationships didn’t have to be picture perfect, people won’t get along all the time, but they will always love. And then I realised that what I wanted wasn’t a perfect relationship, I just wanted to be loved. And this little...doodle I guess, it’s the album cover, but it’s like...the person you love, in your heart, they’re your sun and moon - you don’t realise it, but you need them.” 

Levi let out a breath, and Eren felt himself fall even further.

 

They sat for hours. They chatted and laughed and their fingers stayed entwined. When they started yawning, Eren suggested they go home, but wondered if they would part ways. 

“My place is near here”

Levi said, and didn’t leave go of Eren as he walked toward it. Eren felt his eyes get heavier with every block, and his yawns turned to giggles and back again. When they reached Levi’s apartment, Eren decided, in his sleep drunk state, he wanted a kiss. He tried to turn, but sleep took his co-ordination too, and his back hit the door. Embarrassment bubbled in his stomach, but he ignored it, and he pulled at Levi’s jacket. The breath caught in Levi’s throat and he gripped Eren’s waist. Their noses bumped and Levi couldn’t resist Eren any longer.

His hands threaded through Eren’s hair and Levi pulled Eren to his lips. Their lips moved chastely at first, but Levi needed more. He opened his mouth just a little and licked Eren’s lower lip. Eren’s innocence showed through as their tongues pressed together. Eren tasted of the sweetness of his drink, his fingers betrayed his inexperience in their gentle tug on Levi’s hair, and the way Eren’s body tensed against his own betrayed something more. Their kiss broke for a breath.

“Inside”

It was a demand, but Eren was eager to follow.    
Levi led him to the elevator, a slow rickety box that took far too long to hide them with the doors, but the moment it did, their lips met again. Levi’s fingers dug bruises into Eren’s hips and forced him against the wall. The shaking of the elevator only jerked their hips together, and Eren groaned into Levi’s mouth.    
His breath was hot.    
The doors stammered open and Levi pulled Eren by the hand. His keys were out in seconds and the door shoved open. Like the rainfall eventually splashes to the ground, they were back together. Their teeth met, their tongues met too. Jackets were cast aside, no matter the contents. Eren entwined Levi’s fingers with his own. But this was not a romantic gesture. Eren abandoned his previously passive demeanor and pushed Levi against the wall. He pinned Levi’s hands overhead and their kiss broke again.

“Eren…”

The way the name rolled over Levi’s lips sent a jolt of pleasure through him. Eren pressed himself against Levi entirely, taking his lips in another sloppy kiss. His hips rolled of their own volition, he wanted to feel friction between them, he wanted to be far closer to Levi than he already was. Eren’s hands slid down Levi’s arms, he felt every muscle he glanced twitch under his touch. Levi’s eyes met his own lust filled gaze as his hands rolled over Levi’s hips. He pulled those hips closer and bit his own lip as Levi leaned his head back against the wall. 

“Fuck, Eren…”

Another shock went through him, and it filled him with courage. Eren’s hand slipped lower, and he cupped the outline of Levi’s hardness. A hiss through teeth told him he was doing well.    
He stroked it slowly and kissed a soft trail up the curve between Levi’s neck and shoulder. 

“Eren, please, not…” a gasp cut him off. “Off...get jeans off…” 

Eren nodded  and unbuttoned Levi’s jeans with far more grace than he expected of himself. His bravado peaked again and he dropped to his knees in front of Levi. Through Levi’s boxers, Eren kissed his length, and Levi groaned in response. He was getting braver with every sound, and his fingers toyed with the waistband of those boxers. 

“Levi?”

A girl’s voice from the living room distracted them both, utter annoyance shot across Levi’s face, and fear radiated from Eren’s. Footsteps grew closer and he tried to scramble away, but it could not be disguised. A red-head rounded the corner, looked at Levi, then looked at Eren, then shrieked, before running back to the living room. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW warning ;)  
> My college year is now on a break until late January, and I am feeling so inspired! I hope I can update loads in this time, and I love seeing your comments! Thank you to everyone who has read, left Kudos, commented, and followed this, if I could thank you all individually, I would <3   
> As always, if you want to follow my Tumblr, it is theverbaltypo.tumblr.com, I've been thinking that prompts could be a fun little challenge for me and maybe you guys would enjoy it too!   
> Enjoy the chapter <3

Levi combed his fingers through his hair and followed the red head. Eren couldn’t find the courage to move from his space on the floor. He flinched as he heard Levi’s voice rise. 

“Isabel, you better have a fucking good explanation for being here!”

“You didn’t answer your phone, I was worried!” 

“I was  _ busy _ !”

“Well, I’ve figured that out!” Her laugh was loud and sweet. Eren thought she sounded like a kind person. 

He heard Levi sigh and then heard whispers he couldn’t make out. 

“Eren, you can come in”

He stood and went to the kitchen. He admired the bright space, before turning to Levi and the girl he knew to be Isabel.

“This is Isabel” Levi gestured at the red head. 

“Isabel, this is Eren, the guy I told you about.”

Isabel’s broad smile bounded toward Eren and she hugged him.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard so much! And it’s so nice to have a face to the name too! I mean, Levi described you and he told me about your eyes and how pretty they are, and they are so pretty!” 

Eren knew that a blush now covered his cheeks, but he wasn’t sure if it was from Isabel’s complement or from the fact that Levi had said the same thing. 

“Isabel, remember when we talked about boundaries…”

She laughed again and stepped back.

“Sorry, Levi says I’m a bit full on.” 

Eren started to disagree with her but she raised a hand.

“I know I am, don’t worry, it’s not offensive! Anyway, now that I know he’s alive-” Levi rolled his eyes behind her ”-I’ll take my leave. Farlan!” Eren looked around, and Levi hid his face behind his hand. 

A man, taller than Levi, rounded the corner into the kitchen. His hair was dark blonde and his eyes a light grey, they lacked the sparkle of Levi’s. 

“Okay, you can both leave now.”

Levi walked between the two, grabbing both their arms and dragging them towards the door.

“Bye Eren!” 

He waved at them as they were dragged away and he turned to admire the room. Though the corridor through which he had entered was thin and dark, the kitchen was wide and bright. The cabinets, the counters, the walls, everything was white, the only interruption came in the silver appliances and green plants and herbs hanging from the ceiling.. In the middle of the room was a triangular breakfast bar, with a wide lip for the tall chairs to slip in. He heard the front door click shut and he heard another sigh from Levi.

“I am so sorry.” 

Levi rounded the corner as he slipped off his jacket. 

“It’s no problem. Your apartment is gorgeous!”

Levi smiled.

“Thank you, I try to keep it clean, though when those two come around, it’s a bit more difficult.” 

Eren slipped his own jacket off of his shoulders.

“Do you want anything to drink? I’m going to make some tea.”

Eren nodded in response. 

“Head into the living room, put something on Netflix”

He nodded again even though Levi couldn’t see him, and followed through the doorway.

It wasn’t truly a door, it was more of a passage through the half wall divider Eren previously had not noticed. The solid part that faced the kitchen had drawers and shelves, and it was the same white of the kitchen. On the counter section, more greenery, as well as a pile of books arranged by size. As he passed through to the living room side, he saw the same region covered by a cream cloth couch. It was draped with blankets and adorned with plush cushions. 

The wide television sat on a long stand with windowed doors. Though the rest of the apartment was clear, quite minimalist in its design, the stand’s enclosed space was full of DVDs on one end and CDs on the other. The exposed brick wall behind the television had only a single white shelf with a few framed photos. On the right, the exposed brick continued, and Eren admired a number of scattered Vinyl Records on the wall. Levi slipped up next to him quietly.

“You like it?”

Eren nodded. 

“Here, there’s another part I want to show you. He took Eren’s hand and led him off to the right. Another space that Eren had previously not seen. The brick split and an endless window was in front of them. It vanished up into the ceiling, and Eren could only hope it went higher.

It took him another moment to realize what was beyond the window.

Levi pushed the handle, and walked out onto the balcony. It was cold, brisk, and small droplets from the night air were making their home on the furniture out there. The sight of the city enchanted Eren. It was like the night sky was reflected in the buildings, the window lights were stars and the cars, comets. Levi broke their astral silence.

“I was sitting out here the first night I messaged you. And a lot of the other nights. And when I started falling for you, I knew I wanted to show you what I saw out here.”

Levi looked up at Eren, the moon reflected on his silver eyes.

“ I used to think it was the most beautiful sight I could find in a city. Then you sent me that photo, the one of your eyes, and I knew that nothing could ever compare to them.” 

Eren’s breath caught in his throat and he looked away. It was surreal. Until Levi took his hand again.

“Eren.”

His free hand tilted Eren’s face towards his.

“You’re beautiful. Like this city’s lights multiplied. You’re this ball of energy and light and being with you...it’s like being in our own bubble of sheer perfection.”

Levi’s arms wound around Eren’s neck and their foreheads met. 

“Stay.”

Eren could feel Levi’s eyelashes brush his own. 

“Okay”

Levi smiled, and pressed a gentle kiss to Eren’s lips. Eren’s face fell as Levi let him go, and he closed the door from which they had come to the balcony. He took Eren’s hand again and pulled him to the other side of the balcony, and in the door the kitchen. Eren watched Levi cross the kitchen and bring back the two cups of tea. 

“Maybe we can take these upstairs. I’d rather listen to you than some show”

Levi led him up the stairs that attached to the kitchen. It led to a loft, the same exposed brick as the living room, but with shelves close to the ground. The large locker at the side of the bed had a laptop, but the bed was truly centre stage. 

It was low to the ground, with drawers on the underside, but the bed itself was a king size and was buried in duvets, throws, pillows, all perfectly placed, and all neutral in colour. A string of lights hung from the ceiling and fell onto the ground. 

“Get comfy, I’m going to turn things off downstairs”

Levi pecked Eren on the lips, and left his side. 

Eren was unsure what he should do, Levi was still nearby, he was turning on the lights that Eren had admired.

“Um, I know that I’m a bit...bigger than you, but do you have pyjamas I could borrow?” 

Eren felt a swirl of self hatred through himself as he said that. 

“Yeah, I sleep in sweatpants, would they be okay?”

Eren nodded.

“Third drawer in the chest.”

Eren nodded again and started rooting. He found a pair that looked big enough, but he waited until Levi was downstairs to change, and he did it quickly. Levi had seen him before, yes, but that was different. Levi had been asleep for most of that. 

The sweatpants were comfortable, more so than Eren expected. He shed down to his t-shirt and folded his clothes as neatly as he could. He kept the pile out of the way, trying to take as little space as possible. 

He sat at the end of the bed, and toyed with the corner of a blanket. The lights turned off downstairs, and Eren looked up. The window from the living room extended up and occupied the full wall. The starscape of the city stretched out before him again, and Eren couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful. 

But Levi thought he was. 

The bed sank beside him and Levi was there, hands combing through Eren’s hair. 

“You okay?”

“...you really think I’m beautiful?”

He could see Levi smile from the corner of his eye. 

“Yes, remarkably so.”

“Even with….this…?” 

Eren vaguely gestured towards his mid section. 

“Eren, every part of you is beautiful. There’s nothing at all wrong with you.” 

Eren’s smile was small, but it was there. 

“The only thing wrong is that you’re not making yourself comfortable, like I said”

Levi smirked. 

“Um...I…”

Without warning, Levi straddled Eren and pushed him back.

“You were so brave in the hallway, what happened?”

Eren stumbled over his words, but Levi ignored his attempts. Instead, his lips descended on Eren’s. Levi’s arm slid around Eren’s waist and pulled him closer, his free hand went from holding him up to tousling Eren’s hair, gripping occasionally. 

Eren’s back curved and his chest pressed to Levi’s. He gripped Levi’s hips, he knew he was holding too tight, he could feel Levi’s hips seeking friction. His worries started to melt away. 

He felt himself becoming breathless, and at that moment Levi broke their kiss, but only to kiss a light trail along his jaw. Eren let out a moan, and he felt Levi’s hips roll in response. The position seemed awkward, he tried to move his legs to slot one between Levi’s and one to the side, but somewhere along the way, his thigh pressed against the firmness between Levi’s legs. Levi hissed against Eren’s neck.

“Ah, sorry!”

Levi chuckled.

“Don’t be, that wasn’t a bad sound”

Eren stopped for a moment, and held Levi’s hips. With as much care as he could, he pulled Levi’s hips, forcing them to roll and press against his thigh again. Levi gasped and his hips began to thrust without encouragement.

Eren pulled Levi’s face back to his and their lips met again. Eren knew what he wanted, and he used all of his strength to roll over, pinning Levi underneath him. They kissed again, Eren’s hands roamed over Levi’s chest and down again to his hips. He kissed slowly down Levi’s neck as he pushed Levi’s shirt up. He started to climb backwards off of the bed, he kissed Levi’s exposed stomach. His jeans were still on, and Eren wanted them gone. He unbuttoned and unzipped them, and slowly pulled them down. His eyes flicked up to meet Levi’s. Levi was still. His eyes tracked every tiny movement and his breath seemed stuck. 

Eren moved steadily, not reluctant, but he hoped he was teasing in the right way. The way Levi’s eyes stayed on him told him he was doing well. 

He thought back to things he had read and seen when he realized his attraction to men, and instead of rushing, he kissed the top of Levi’s hardness through his boxers and ran his hand over it. 

“Eren, if you don’t want to…”

Eren looked up.

“I do, but if  you don’t want to?”

“No, don’t stop, you’re amazing”

Eren smiled

“But I haven’t even started.”

Before Levi could respond, Eren tugged Levi’s boxers down and let him spring free. 

Eren once again locked eyes with Levi, and gripped the length before him gently. He stroked slowly, Levi gasped and his back arched. He pumped the length faster, delighting in the way Levi was whispering his name and begging him under his breath. 

To surprise him, Eren leaned forward and licked a thin stripe with the tip of his tongue from the base right to the tip. It made Levi moan aloud. Eren took it as a sign to go on, and he moved his hands to Levi’s thighs. He let Levi’s length slip and hit the back of his throat. He bobbed his head, and held Levi’s gaze. Levi’s moans bounced from the walls, his hips snapped, his hands tangled in Eren’s hair. He started to sit up, one hand moved to hold him up. His hips and eyes rolled, and he pulled Eren back by the hair. He slipped out with a pop and strings of white painted over Eren’s face. Levi’s hand traced Eren’s cheek and held his chin, he tried to capture the moment. Eren’s lips were still parted, and a droplet of cum rolled over his lips. His eyes were filled with lust, and Levi could see the outline of his erection through the sweatpants. 

Levi pressed his forehead to Eren’s and poked his tongue over his lips to lick some of his own cum from Eren’s lips. 

Eren trembled and wordlessly tried to grab at Levi. Levi’s hands on his shoulders pressed him back to the ground. 

“You look so good like this.”

Eren blushed and his hands dropped to between his legs. Levi’s foot pressed between his legs, and Eren groaned. He rocked his hips and licked his lips. 

“Come up here, lay down” Eren nodded, too excited to be worried about the loss of contact. Levi switched places with him, now kneeling between his legs. Eren understood why Levi had stared at him. Levi didn’t say anything, he tugged the sweatpants and Eren’s boxers down together and did not delay pumping Eren’s length. Eren moaned and gripped the sheets. He struggled to keep his eyes open, but when he looked down, it seemed like a dream. Levi still held his eyes as he took Eren in his mouth. The waves of pleasure that shot through him was so new and overwhelming, his breath caught, his back arched and he gripped Levi’s hair. He thrust into Levi’s mouth, his moans were too loud, he begged himself to quieten but he couldn’t do it. He could feel the pleasure pool in him and he tried to tell Levi that he was about to cum, but he couldn’t get the breath out. He tensed and moaned and called Levi’s name and he came in Levi’s mouth. He panted and fell back completely. The bed sunk beside him once again, and he rolled into Levi’s arms.

“Good?” 

Eren nodded, his eyes still closed from the aftershock of his orgasm. Levi kissed his forehead, and pulled him close. 

“Mmm you’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that with you.”

Eren smiled against Levi’s chest before he replied.

“Me too. I’ve um...I’ve never done anything like that”

Levi pulled back.

“No way, you’re lying, you have to be”

Eren shook his head,

“But you were so good!”

“Imagine how good it’ll get with practice”

Eren immediately regretted saying it, and hid his face in his hands.

He heard Levi swallow hard and smiled into his hands. He peeked over the top of his fingers.

“What?”

Levi kissed Eren’s hands.

“You’re saying this will happen again?”

Eren nodded.

“I don’t see why it wouldn’t” his stomach dropped “Unless you don’t want to.”

“Of course I want to!” Levi exclaimed “If I had the power in me, I would do it right now” 

Eren pressed his face into Levi’s neck and yawned. 

“Let’s get into bed, babe”

Levi pulled back the covers and together they slipped into bed.

“Did you like it?” Levi asked.

“So much, Levi” he smiled and kissed Levi. 

Sweet, quiet words filled the air, and the roof was painted with the sunrise. Their words died down to small mumbles as they fell asleep with the sun rising over the horizon.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left Kudos <3  
> You're all fab and I love waking up to new emails :)  
> NSFW chapter again, but after this, there'll be quite a bit more plot and a number of fun changes ;) Also, this chapter does stop rather abruptly, but I realized if I kept going it would have been huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge, so I'll make you guys wait ;)  
> As always, comments are appreciated, and if you want to follow my Tumblr, it's theverbaltypo.tumblr.com  
> I don't know if anyone has done or has considered it, but if you have done any fanart or anything of this, I'd love to see it! Let me know! 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!~

**** They woke to a different hue, the afternoon sun was bright, it shone through the endless window and onto Eren’s face. The warmth made him smile, and the warmth of Levi’s chest against his back made him smile more. What wasn’t making him smile was the buzzing that had woken him. He glared at his phone across the room. Somehow, he wanted to stop it with his mind so he could go back to his dreams. But he wasn’t the only one hearing it.

“Eren, if you do not answer that fucking phone or turn it onto silent, it will be down the toilet so fucking fast” 

Eren laughed at Levi’s groggy morning voice, and tried to leave the bed. He was still naked on the bottom after last night and only realise when Levi smacked his behind as he walked away. The phone stopped ringing right as he picked it up. 

And he saw all of the notifications. There were a lot. He winced as he realized he hadn’t told Armin and Mikasa that he wouldn’t be home. 

He recalled another time he had forgotten, but jumped when his phone rang again.

“This won’t be good.” 

Levi looked at him with confusion. Eren swiped his screen and raised the phone to his ear.

“Hey Mi-”

“Eren, you are so fucked when I find you! I called you so many times, where the fuck are you?!” 

Levi’s face scrunched, he could hear the shouting from the bed. He nodded, gave Eren a sympathetic look, and left to put on the kettle. 

“I have been worried sick! Armin was checking hospitals and I was checking police stations! What the fuck were you th-”

“MIKASA!”

She stopped.

“I’m sorry. I stayed at Levi’s last night. We went on a late night date, and I’m at his house, I’m safe. I’m really sorry I forgot to leave a note, I was just excited.”

She delayed a moment.

“It never occurred to me.” Eren winced. That stung.

“I mean that you would go home with him!” Mikasa corrected herself.

“It’s not like that!” all hurt was forgotten in favour of embarrassment.

“Right… Anyway, sorry, ignore the...maybe just delete all your messages? There are a lot…” Eren chuckled at her honesty.

“Okay. I’ll let you know what happens and what time I’ll be home.”

“Okay, be safe!”

She hung up before he could retort.

  
“I knew she was scary, but not that scary” 

Levi had returned. 

“She was worried. I kinda forgot to tell her I’d be gone.” 

Eren flopped back on the bed. 

Levi’s eyes trailed over him. 

“I get that. Nothing scarier than people going missing. Though, I’m surprised you knew you’d be gone.” 

Eren looked at him and saw the smirk on Levi’s face. 

“Did you think I’d be that quick to take you home?” Levi raised a brow as he said it.

“Wait, no, that’s not what I meant!” Eren blushed and shook his head and his hands. 

“Sure” Levi winked. “Though I remember you being very eager to get on your knees.” 

Eren rolled over onto his stomach and groaned the embarrassment he was feeling. 

“That’s it, I’ve ruined us because I’m a slut” he laughed into the pillow. 

“Hmm. I don’t think I mind you being a slut.” Levi’s reply surprised him, and he looked over to see the shorter man’s eyes still looking him over. 

“What do you mean?” Eren stirred and blushed and hugged the pillow closer.

“Well it’s first thing in the…” he glanced at the clock “afternoon, and I have you here in nothing but a t-shirt.” Levi’s tongue peeked over his lips. “I can’t say I’m complaining.”

Eren’s mouth went dry and he swallowed, the lust on Levi’s face spoke volumes and Eren had never felt this. He had never felt wanted. 

Without moving, he watched Levi bend over him. Levi’s knees were between his legs and his fingers trailed over Eren’s back. A tremble ran through him at the sensations of those fingers. He arched and wished his t-shirt had joined his trousers the previous night.

As if he heard Eren’s own thoughts, Levi leaned forward, lips pressed just barely against Eren’s ear.

“I think I want to have you here in nothing at all.”

Eren didn’t think twice, he grabbed the shirt between his shoulder blades with one hand and pulled it free. 

Levi leaned forward again, lips meeting the back of Eren’s neck. Levi watched as Eren squirmed beneath him, and licked a thin line up the back of his neck.

“You’re so sensitive there.” 

Eren could only nod in response.

Levi leaned again and this time bit him gently and Eren gasped.

“So so sensitive” 

Levi’s lips moving against his neck, no matter what they were doing, sent shocks through Eren. He could feel his naked hardness against the bed and knew exactly what he wanted though he had never done it. 

A pang in his chest. Had he told Levi of how inexperienced he was? Kisses made their way down Eren’s back and forced him away from his confession.

He could feel Levi’s hardness against him, settled between his cheeks and very distracting. 

“Levi…”    
He mewled and pushed himself back and heard Levi gasp. 

“Fuck, Eren…” 

Eren kept one arm in front of himself, to keep him propped up and steady, and he put his free hand back to stroke Levi.

He heard Levi hiss through gritted teeth, and despite the awkwardness of the move, Eren turned himself around. Levi was too surprised by the suddenness and stayed on his knees. Eren’s hands wandered over him, under his shirt, around his back, over the curve of his rear, all the while, he was pulled forward. Levi’s shirt disappeared from him, and Eren’s lips were against his chest, stomach, his tongue flicked over a pierced nipple, Levi’s breath hitched at the sensations. Eren’s hands were back on him. They grabbed, pulled him closer, Levi felt the lust seep from every part of Eren and Levi wanted him. 

With urgency previously unseen, and the innocence that he had chosen not to show, Levi cupped Eren’s face with both hands and kissed him with every morsel of passion he could find in himself.

He kissed him in a way he had never kissed another person. His hands tangled in Eren’s hair, Eren’s fingertips dug bruises into his skin, his his his. Levi was his. The words alone seemed surreal for Levi, he never belonged to anyone, even James really, but he felt Eren’s possessiveness flow through his kisses, his grip, his pounding heartbeat. 

Eren surprised him again-so full of surprises he was in the morning- and broke their kiss and gripped his length. Levi let out a sound far too high, and Eren pumped him slowly. He wrapped an arm around Levi to keep him close, and flicked his tongue over Levi’s nipple again.

Levi tried to hold back all kinds of moans and sounds, but Eren’s pace quickened and he let out a loud moan. He looked down, keeping his eyes on Eren’s, trying to ignore how his hips rolled into Eren’s hand, how Eren’s tongue was soft on his flesh, how he wanted to cum embarrassingly fast. 

He stuttered out Eren’s name and gripped his hair too tightly and his hips jerked and snapped forward and Eren bit down gently on his collarbone and sucked, and Levi came on Eren’s chest and neck and he cried out Eren’s name. His body seemed to forget it had bones, and he flopped forward against Eren, who cradled him so gently and carefully.

“Fuck...Eren...I...like are you some kind of professional? Did you take like...fucking lessons?”

Eren spluttered and laughed.

“What, no?! Are you asking me if I’m a prostitute??” 

Eren fell back, Levi fell with him, and the vibrations of his laughter tickled Levi’s ear. 

“Just….you’re so good…” 

He was still panting.

“Well I’m glad. I...um well I’ve never done anything like that really. Except alone, of course.” 

Levi looked up at him, and he could see Eren mentally chastising himself for saying that.

“Given how shy you are, I would have believed you, if you hadn’t just made me cum faster than anyone in my life.” 

Eren blushed. 

“I...good” Eren smiled at him and Levi felt a pang in his heart. He could also feel Eren’s erection pressing into his stomach.

“You know...last night was a little rushed. I don’t think I did myself justice” Levi purred.

Eren’s mouth went dry. 

“I remember when you told me some fantasies, how much you liked the idea of sloppiness and being messy…” Levi’s lips met Eren’s again but this time he nipped at Eren’s lower lip. 

“When you told me that, I decided I should be prepared, in case I got lucky with you” Levi winked and Eren stiffened. Was Levi planning to have sex with him? Right now? 

Levi reached over to the drawer and pulled out some lube in a red bottle. Before Eren could ask, Levi was drizzling the lube over his hand, and then that hand was wrapped around Eren’s length. He groaned louder than expected, and grabbed the sheets. 

“I wanted to be sure I could bring that fantasy to life, just for you.”

Levi’s free hand brought Eren’s fingers to his lips, Eren watched him, lips parted, no idea what to expect until Levi’s warm, wet mouth surrounded them. Levi sucked and licked and teased the fingers, all while stroking Eren. 

The sight before him was one that Eren would not forget; Levi’s lips were slick with his own saliva, it dribbled from the corner of his mouth, and it looked so inviting. Levi gave the fingers one long final lick, but kept the hand in the air. 

“I know you’re new to things, so feel free to say no, but I would like you to finger yourself for me, if you’re a bottom, that is.” 

Eren nodded, but he didn’t realize he had done so. His fingers moved down slowly and Levi’s eyes followed them. When the first slipped in and Eren let out the first sigh, Levi dipped his head and licked Eren’s wet member. 

“I’m going to make you cum so hard you can’t walk” Levi purred again, and the image of him with Eren’s erection pressed against his cheek while drool slithered down against it was one that would not leave Eren any time soon.

Levi took the length in his mouth and worked slowly, swirling his tongue, tasting Eren’s precum mixed with the cherry flavour of the lube. He moved himself to Eren’s side so Eren could keep his fingers inside himself, and before long, Eren’s moans filled the air. Levi started to suck greedily, no longer sleep drunk, but perfectly awake, and committing every second to memory. Eren’s hips snapped forward and Levi relished in the feeling of Eren’s length hitting his throat. Eren’s free hand grabbed Levi’s hair tight, and his fingers moved faster and he pounded into Levi’s mouth. The hint of dominance pushed Levi further, he felt his own erection return. His hand was still coated in lube, and he rubbed it against his clean one. He let Eren pop free of his mouth, to which Eren groaned, but he kneeled between Eren’s knees and reached behind himself with one hand and gripped both of their erections with the other. Eren’s hand was still in Levi’s hair, and he pulled the shorter man forward so their lips could meet as Levi began to move the hand around their lengths. It was hard with small hands, Eren’s free hand finally left the tangle of strands and took the place of Levi around them. Levi moaned again, and fell forward, his chest against Eren’s. He mumbled and moaned Eren’s name like a mantra. 

“Eren, Eren, please, put your fingers…” another moan interrupted him, but Eren knew. He let his fingers slip out of himself, feeling empty without them, and saw Levi’s fingers leave his own hole. Eren’s fingers made Levi moan louder, they were bigger than his own. 

“Eren, can I…” He was breathing hard but his fingers teased Eren’s entrance nonetheless. 

“Please, please, Levi…” Eren’s head fell back when Levi’s fingers slipped inside, and it felt so different to his own. Levi’s fingers knew how to touch and twist and thrust and Eren felt his orgasm coming closer.

“Levi, I’m gonna....” a moan “cum…” 

Levi nodded, his sweaty forehead against Eren’s, his eyes scrunched shut.

“M-me too…” 

At the same time, they gasped. Eren felt Levi grip the back of his neck as if it were his only chance at life and Levi cried out for Eren again. The sound pushed Eren over the edge, and his hips stuttered and he called Levi’s name over and over, punctuated with swears and groans and noises he didn’t know he could make. 

Levi fell forward, and their chests came together. 

“Wow…”

Levi nodded in response. Eren wrapped his arms around Levi, he could feel Levi’s heart pounding in his chest and he knew his own was doing the same.

Eren nuzzled his face against Levi’s hair and breathed in. He smelled clean, like cotton, like home. When he looked up, Levi’s silver eyes seemed to swirl like the Northern Lights in black and white, and Eren knew he wanted to draw them. He ran his fingers through Levi’s hair and realized that Levi’s eyes were those lights, yes, but only because they lit up the planet of him. Levi’s skin and body were the mountains and the plains, his hair, the night sky, his blood, the ocean and rivers, and his tattoos, all the land’s most beautiful art. Eren kissed Levi's forehead, the horizon of his whole world. 

****  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but I'm finally finished college!  
> This means more writing time!  
> I worked so hard on this chapter, but I have to warn that this chapter deals with sensitive topics that were honestly difficult to write given my history, but they are pertinent to the story. Potentially triggering sections have Asterisks (**) at the beginning and end. I totally understand if you need to skip, and I'm sorry if this chapter is upsetting.  
> I hope you all enjoy <3

And after that, something changed.

The honey sweet night still sat in Eren’s memory when he typed out another message.

He didn’t expect it to be answered.

It had been weeks.

He spent the first one crying. He begged silently for answers. He sent a message every day to no avail.

The following week he sent a message every other day. His tears only drowned him at night.

The third week, he sent one message.

The fourth week, he sent none.

His tears had dried. His sobs when he thought of Levi were nothing more than dry heaves.

“This is the last one”, he promised himself. But he promised that last time too.

With every letter, his confidence shrunk.

He replayed every second of his memories with Levi over and over.

Each time he found a new thing he did wrong.

But the main problem was him, his body.

He avoided every mirror, window, toaster, anything that could reflect and remind him. He couldn’t face the flaws that made Levi leave.

He tapped send, and dropped himself onto his bed.  


_“Hey, hope you’re doing okay. Feel free to come over for dinner. x”_

  
Levi barely opened his eyes to read the message. The sweat on his duvet and the sweat on his skin mingled and he felt disgusting.

But he didn’t move. He cast his phone into the mess of blankets and rolled over. The duvet cocooned him and he tried to breathe in something new, something to fill the emptiness that had taken residence in his chest.

It didn’t work.

He knew better, of course. He knew that this would only get better if he took care of himself. He knew he needed to shower; his hair was matted with grease and sweat, his clothes were heavy with the last few weeks, his memories were a blur of waking in the evening and sleeping in the early hours of the morning.

Those memories were peppered with pain and tears and that infinite and sickening void in his chest.

He couldn’t bring himself to text Eren. He couldn’t force someone so kind, so beautiful, so _delicate_ to deal with this, to deal with him.

Eren.

He felt a punch in his gut when he thought of Eren. The last night they had spent together was precious to Levi. The marks Eren had left made him smile for two days before despair set in.

He remembered the moment.

He pulled the duvet over him, blocking out his room, and shook his head to rid himself of that memory, but it didn’t work.

He remembered looking in the mirror after a shower, his fingertips pressed gently against the few marks, and he smiled.

And then he crumpled. Tears streamed down his cheeks, he folded himself forward.

Shaking fingers dug into the skin of his stomach, trying to hold in what felt like his organs falling out. He felt sick and empty, somehow full of vacuity.

At that moment, he sat on the floor, cold tiles ignored even though later he would feel the burn in his skin. The world around him swirled into infinity, the tight confines of his bathroom seemed a huge expanse.

And he laid down.

He curled and cried, nails still gouging over his stomach with enough fury and fear that he thought he might pull his own organs out.

He wondered if they were even still there when the darkness seemed to take the place of every organ.

**

Then he wanted to open his skin.

He wanted the light outside him, the memories of Eren, the marks he left on his skin and on his heart, he wanted them to seep into his insides and curse the darkness out.

He knew it wouldn’t work.

But he did it.

Over and over, until he shook and slumped against the door, the floor smeared with blood and the shame of relapse embodied by a lump in his throat.

And weeks later, here he remained.  
  
**

Each day was spent in bed, without food or contact. James had braved some contact but received nothing, not even sarcasm. He had taken “holidays” from work, and had scarcely left the house.

He couldn’t.

And another message from Eren didn’t help.

Some section of him willed to text him back, demanded he stop this torture, but he couldn’t do it.

The freedom of life seemed beyond him. Only the breath in his lungs reminded him that he was still alive, and he wasn’t sure that was so good a thing.

 

Mikasa’s arrival home interrupted Eren’s emotional loitering.

She knew about everything.

She was furious about it. Her repetition of this made it difficult for Eren to think about it in a way that might be sentimental.

She reminded him every evening that she saw Levi’s avoidance as “just looking to sleep with you, Eren, just using you”.

He knew she was trying to help. But it didn’t. His self-hatred deepened, and he found himself feeling lower than he ever had.

It made him want to go find someone who could make him feel the way Levi did.

But for that, he only wanted Levi.

Mikasa’s footfall echoing through the hall made him rise. He couldn’t hear her today.

But he knew who he wanted to hear.

Who could help all of this if not Levi.

Who he knew could make him feel better in one way or another.

 

When he pushed the door to James’s bar, he took a quick check to see if he had his ID, just in case. But behind the bar stood the man he had once considered Levi’s opposite.

“Eren, didn’t think I’d see you back here. At least not without Levi.”

  
James must have noticed the wince that Eren didn’t.

  
“You haven’t heard from him either?”

 

Eren shook his head while he slid onto the stool.

  
“I was kind of hoping I’d find him here.”

 

James snorted.

  
“If only. Without him, I’ve had to do actual work.”

 

His hands planted in front of Eren, his face intimidatingly close.

 

“Did something...happen?”

 

The raise of James’s brow showed more than he believed.

  
“I didn’t do anything.”

  
The words came out more harshly than Eren intended.

 

“I haven’t heard from him, if you haven’t either then I can go.”

  
Eren stood, but James’s hand landed on his shoulder.

 

“Hey, hey, slow down, Jesus.”

  
James sighed, and the glance over to the corner told Eren that he wasn’t too comfortable. Eren took his seat again, hoping this was leading to answers.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I….” was he?

He looked away for a moment, raking through his mind to come up with some kind of answer and pulling nothing.

 

“I’m not sure…”

 

He felt his face change, and felt the tears before he really knew they were there.

 

“Eren, stop, you don’t need to cry, look, just wait a second.”

 

James rounded the counter, swept a look over the empty bar and locked the door.

 

“Come here, we can talk.”

 

He gestured to a booth, and slid in himself.

Eren took a seat across from him, his eyes trained on the table.

 

“Okay, first. Do you need a drink?”

 

Eren shook his head.

 

“Okay. What’s going on?”

 

And Eren spilled everything.

From the moment they left James’s bar all those weeks ago to now. The isolation, the fear, the anxiety, the self-hatred. All of it fell forward and Eren felt relieved. James merely listened.

  
The tears tickled his cheeks, but they were tears that felt like suffering coming to an end.

 

“Eren, I don’t know what’s going on. But I don’t think it’s anything to do with you.”

 

Eren tried to meet James’s gaze, but his eyes were locked to the side, in clear thought, picking through Levi’s actions.

  
“I’ll sort him out. He needs to cop on.”   
  
James shook his head, and his eyes flicked back to Eren’s.

 

“Take care of yourself. You don’t need the stress he’s putting on you.”

 

He looked aside again, and a cheeky grin found it’s place on his lips.

 

“You know, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone.”

  
He winked, and Eren couldn’t stop his head dropping to his hands.

 

**  
Levi’s skin was numb to the cold tiles.

He ignored every noise around him, his eyes were dry of tears, but his sobs remained. They sounded like hiccups.

The tiles were once again stained with drips of his blood, his hands moved on their own, numb and deaf to everything that might be happening. His hands shook again, they were weak from the slits that took over his forearm.

His eyes tried to focus on how much he had done in his own absent mindedness.  
  
**

The door beside him opened but he ignored it, counting in his head.

  
Someone kneeled beside him, and without warning, put an arm under his knees and another around his back. He was lifted, still counting, and as though no time passed, he was on his counter, and he looked up. His eyes met James’s and he frowned.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I had a very concerned young man come to my bar looking for you. I was worried but I didn’t realize how worried I should have been.”

 

James’s eyes were soft, filled with sympathy but also recognition. Not of Levi, but of this moment.

 

“Why are you always here to see me bleeding?”

 

“Because I always know when you are bleeding.”

 

The sponge stung his cuts, and Levi hissed. But James knew what he was doing.

 

“Why?”

 

James’s voice was soft. It was strange. It had been a long time since Levi heard him being so soft.

 

“I’m not good enough, James.”  


James remained silent, so Levi kept speaking.

 

“He’s so good, he’s so pure, I…” he swallowed “I love him. But he deserves so much better. So so much better.” His voice faded to a whisper. Fresh hot tears left streaks on his face.

 

“If you weren’t good enough, why would he have come looking? He wouldn’t. You know, you don’t give yourself much credit. If you made it through years with me, you should be well able for this. You’re better than this, I thought you stopped...this.” He gestured at Levi’s arm.

“What happened?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“You need to stop. He loves you, you know.”   
  
“James, no, don’t-”

 

“Shut up, he does.”

 

Levi’s lips closed hard and he chewed them.

James moved onto bandaging.

 

“He told me about everything that happened.”

  
Levi squeezed his eyes shut.

 

“I’m an asshole.”

 

“You are.”

 

Levi sighed.

 

“So instead of sitting here, and steeping in your depressive stench, clean yourself up, and go explain.”

 

“James, if I explain this…”

 

“He’ll help you. He’s a good kid.”

 

Levi took a rattling breath.

 

“But what if he doesn’t...what if he doesn’t want the burden…”

 

James rolled his eyes.

 

“You’re not a burden. The kid loves you, you love him, you’ll help each other, but you have to buck up and tell him. You found yourself a good guy, don’t fuck it up.”

 

Levi flinched, strange to hear James swear, and to hear such good advice.

He nodded.

James stood back.

  
“James…”   
  
Their eyes meet.

 

“Thank you”  
  
James just nods, knowing better than to say anything.

 

“And I’m sorry you had to see me like this...and for the blood..”

 

James shakes his head.   
  
“It’s fine. But no more of this. If it happens again, I’ll make sure you regret it.”

 

 

Eren checked his phone again and sighed. He hoped he would hear from James or Levi or anyone who might know what’s going on with Levi. Mikasa was gone when he got home, and Armin was with his still mystery boyfriend.

As thankful as he was for the peace, the walls seemed to eat at him. They were like vultures. He curled into a ball, only to be distracted by a few knocks at the door. He wondered if Armin or Mikasa had forgotten their keys, or if it was just a salesperson. When the knocks came again, he sighed and with heavy feet, stomped to the door.

But when he opened it, instead of his roommates or a stranger, his eyes met Levi’s silver ones.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally!  
> I apologise in every way I can for the length of time this took. I lost inspiration for this story and got wrapped up in a whole new fandom, all at the same time! But here we are, the end of Now Online. Kind of sad to close it out but glad to give everyone an ending. Thank you to everyone who stuck around for this and who asked me when the new chapter would come. Maybe one day I'll continue this! All in good time. Thanks again everyone, and I hope you enjoy!

Eren would never be able to collect the thoughts and emotions that swirled in a sickening cocktail in him.   
Levi on his doorstep was the last thing he expected to see. 

They stared for a moment in silence. 

“Can I…” Levi gestured with his hand. Eren nodded, his eyes still glossy with confusion and the exhaustion of the storm of feelings. Eren swallowed and crossed to the kitchen. Out of habit more than anything, he brought two glasses of water and set them on the coffee table. Levi licked his lips, and Eren took in his appearance. He didn’t look good. His lips were chapped, and dark circles stained under his eyes. His hair was clean, but barely. Even his clothes sat badly. When his eyes finally met Eren’s properly, they were faded. The sharp silver had dulled to a smoky grey, still beautiful, but a melancholy beautiful. It didn’t suit him.

Eren sat beside him, turned just a little to watch Levi when he spoke. Though it took a while.    
Levi cleared his throat a few times before he said anything.    
  
“I’m sorry”  
  
Not the best start.   
  
“I know the last while I’ve been...quiet. And” He took a breath, blinking as he looked up to the light as if gravity would hold the tears back.  
  
“You don’t deserve that.”  
  
“What’s been going on?”    
  
Eren spoke before he thought. Anger bubbled in him, at the back of his throat, threatening to spill, but he swallowed it. Levi strained a little.  
  
“I..don’t know how to explain it.” Levi couldn’t make eye contact, no matter how hard Eren tried.   
The frustration, however, was growing.   
  
“Levi, I haven’t seen you in weeks, and you show up to tell me you can’t explain why you completely blanked on me?”   
  
“I can’t…” he blinked away the thoughts.  
  
“Are you fucking kidding me?”  
  
Levi finally looked at him.   
  
“It’s been a  _ month _ , I need an explanation better than “you can’t”.” 

Levi chewed his lip, and the air around them settled in thick stuffiness. When Levi’s eyes dropped to what Eren was sure was his stomach, he heard the elastic snap of his own anger.   
  
“If you don’t want to be with me, then don’t, but don’t be a coward about it.”

Levi’s expression hardened.    
  
“Eren, it isn’t like that”  
  
“Then what is it? Dancing around it isn’t exactly helping your case”  
  
“I had some…” Levi took a deep breath and returned to begging the light for comfort.  
  
“I had some problems. I’ve never done too well and I’m sure by now you’ve spotted the...scars”    
  
He said the word like it stung him to use it.   
  
“Sometimes things get harder and I didn’t really want to drag you into that.”    
  
Guilt overtook Eren’s anger.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me? I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten so angry”  
  
Levi waved a hand.  
  
“No, no, you didn’t know.”  
  
“Does anyone?”  
  
Levi nodded.    
  
“James knows, he-” He thought for a moment “found me, I guess, cleaned me up.”  
  
A pit of dread dug into the bottom of Eren’s stomach.  
  
“Cleaned you up..?”  
  
Levi nodded and his tongue passed over his lips.  
  
“I uhm, relapsed, I guess is the word.”  
  
Eren’s eyes dropped to Levi’s hands, and from below the sleeves of his jacket, he saw the bandages.  
  
“Levi…”   
  
Levi’s brow creased.    
  
“Don’t pity me. I know I don’t really look the best and I haven’t been doing well, but please…” he took a stuttered breath and his eyes met Erens, his lower lids heavy with the threat of tears.    
  
“Don’t pity me, Eren.”

  
A single gem of a tear fell over his cheeks, and when Eren put an arm around him, it brought the rest forth. Levi’s head fell against Eren’s shoulder, and his hand wrapped in the front of Eren’s shirt. Levi shuddered in his arms in a way that made Eren’s heart break. Something stopped him from speaking; intuition probably. Levi’s sobs trickled to quick short breaths.    
  
“I don’t pity you, Levi.”    
  
Eren planted a kiss to Levi’s hair before he continued.   
  
“I just hate that you were in pain, and that you felt so alone.”   
  
“It’s just always been like that. It’s pretty hard to say to people ‘hey, can you listen while I tell you how much I feel like I’m imploding?’”   
  
“I didn’t know you had that going on” Eren couldn’t crush the guilt in his stomach.  
  
“You do help, you know.” Levi looked up at him. In his gaze, there was complete sincerity. His soul sat in his eyes, worn, tired, but there was still light in them. The shine of silver returned drop by drop.   
  
“I know your confidence can be a bit…” his hand wiggled.    
  
“But having you there as a constant, it really helped. I’ve never really had someone like that in my life. You know how things were before I met you but when I did, no matter what expectations I had…” He paused to smile to himself before meeting Eren’s eyes. “The first night we spoke, I knew it wouldn’t be a fleeting thing. And since I met you in real life-” Levi’s fingertips trailed over Eren’s cheek “I knew I didn’t want you to leave.”  
  
“I’m not going to leave, Levi. I was angry, I can’t deny that, I just thought you didn’t want to see me again.”  
  
Levi shook his head, a look of utter disbelief, almost hurt crept over him.  
  
“No, no, I just...didn’t want to be a burden”  
  
“Levi.”   
  
Eren held Levi’s chin, and Levi’s eyes softened at the notice of the sea green of Eren’s. They made his heart melt still.  
  
“Just text me next time, okay?” Levi nodded, lips parted.  
  
“Good, no more secrets okay? We had enough trouble with that before we met, don’t you think?”  
  
Levi nodded again. He felt another bubble of emotion in his chest. He tried to stop himself, he’d say, he really did.    
His fingers left Eren’s cheek. They opened on the back of his neck, and he licked his lips again.   
  
“I love you” and Levi pulled him into a soft kiss.  
After weeks without even holding Eren’s hand, without seeing him, without the feeling that followed every time their eyes met and their skin almost touched, the kiss, chaste and sweet as it was, sent electricity through him, and he wondered what made him think that staying away would even be possible.    
Their foreheads rested together for a moment before the quiet was broken with the sweetest sound that could meet Levi’s ears.   
  
“I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

Months passed, filled with memories and change for both of them.  
  
The air was clean and fresh with the scent of Spring’s metamorphosis.  
The nip from the cold no longer teased at Eren’s nose; all that did was the stuffy air of James’s bar as he stepped through the door. The day was still young, and the bar was empty. He closed the door and the latch with it. From somewhere in the back, Eren heard...a banging sound? Like someone was hitting a wall. He wondered for a moment if there was someone in there, a robber maybe? When a high pitched whine met with the grunts of a gruffer voice, ice spread through the inside of his chest. He followed the noise; he heard James’s voice, a low rumble with orders and questions that demanded to know “do you like that?”.    
Eren dreaded it. But he couldn’t stop himself. The door swung open; he was met with James’s still clothed back. His companion was clothed too, mostly at least; a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders, with bare legs around his waist. But when they called out for James…

“Armin??”  
  
James stopped dead, the colour fell from Armin’s face, Levi appeared beside Eren.  
  
“About time you found out about that.”

“About  _ time _ ?? What the fuck?”   
  
“If you don’t mind” James spoke “this conversation could wait until we’re all clothed” 

Levi and Eren stepped back and pulled the door with them. They turned to leave, but Levi called through the door “Clean up after yourselves”   
They sat in a booth, idle chat about the day passed between them, their fingers twisted together.  When Armin and James joined them, their hum died.

  
“Hi Eren”  
  
The colour had returned to Armin’s cheeks, a vivid red.   
  
“Hey, so  _ this _ is where you’ve been running off to?”   
  
James snorted.

“Please, at least pretend I’m here”  
  
“Sorry, I meant...I didn’t expect... _ this”   
_

Eren and Armin burst into loud laughter that boomed through the room.

  
“I knew you were seeing someone older but I never thought it would be _ James _ ”  
  
“You’re so good at pretending I’m here, Eren, honestly, I’m impressed.”

“Sorry” The two giggled again. 

“Since you’re here, Eren, do you want to go for lunch? They’re opening soon, so..”  
  
Armin trailed off, but Eren could see the eagerness in Armin to tell him everything.  
Levi took the moment to echo James’s snort.

“Great, now I’m not here either.”

Eren and Levi moved to stand. 

“Yes, let’s go for lunch and leave these grumps” 

  
Without looking, he knew Levi and James’s eyes were rolling in response. James put an arm around Armin and kissed his hair. “Be careful.”   
  
Opting to give them privacy for their affections, Eren turned and gave Levi’s cheek a soft kiss.  
  
“Have fun.”  
  
“Tell me everything”  
  
Eren laughed.  
  
“You know I will.”  
  
Levi kissed the corner of his mouth, and wrapped his arms around Eren’s waist. Caged by Eren’s arms, Levi looked up at him. He mapped every curve of his face again, just like every day.    
  
“I’ll text you after lunch?”  
  
Levi nodded and smiled.  
  
“Sounds good” 

One more small kiss and Levi smiled up at him again.

“See you at home” 

  
  



End file.
